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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 25, 2014 18:16:48 GMT -8
The way Bern had seen it was that maybe he'd been too hasty. It was hard for him to really return to that moment in his mind and see whether there had been other alternatives or not. He'd just thrown this out as a way to keep Elias from killing Wess. There was no way he would have been able to handle it if the other had killed him right then and there. As he'd considered at the moment... He thought he might have killed himself, too. Especially in that... heat of the moment that had definitely emerged. He'd never been in such a situation where he'd lost so much control before, and it had been frightening to say the least. Doubtless, it was a moment of greatest vulnerability for him. And he'd been thankful that Wess hadn't run. That he'd simply chosen to stay there, to comfort him, and show him that he cared too much to leave. Even knowing that someone else would probably come along and kill him anyway, because he'd given up his chance to escape with his life. And in that moment, Bern kind of knew that their relationship was not something average. It took an awfully strong person to stand up to that kind of fate... and still want to stay, to be there for the one they cared about. They really had something extraordinary. He'd taken a chance on him... and his whole life had changed. To be honest, it had given him something to really live for.
He bowed his head though... just a little, as the other moved his grip down to his waist, and the other leaned more over him as well. To his opinion on Elias, though, he was only able to listen to it, pause, draw in a deep breath, and sigh greatly in response. He had known; he really had, that Wess didn't seem to think highly of him. And it wasn't that Bern was going to move to defend him... He didn't see the point, he didn't need to do that. The time would come soon enough that Wess would get to see some of the things that made him wonderful. Bern didn't yet know what it was about Elias that bothered him, though... or that it was connected to a change in his behavior. But he also hadn't figured out the connection between that almost trancelike, subordinate state and Elias wasn't a very strong one. Yes, the subordinate part of it was, but that was because he -was- subordinate. Bern knew Elias wasn't exactly going to cut Wess any slack just because he'd picked up on Integration so quickly... There was much more to what they did, and much more to war. He'd have to come to basic training every Monday, for sure... And probably Wednesdays, as well. Bern's special training was on Thursdays, and he generally came to practice on his own, or with his Integrator only; Thursday evenings were not very busy. He'd probably make Wess come to practice with him, though it was doubtful he'd be able to do much for a long time. He knew the basic training would be tough on Wess, but also that it was manageable. He'd never been a particularly athletic individual, and he still didn't consider himself as such, but he was a lot healthier and able to manage himself and protect himself so much. Yes, he was definitely going to be taking Wess here with him for extra practice with the basics. The sooner he could impress Elias with his skills, the better.
"...You know, he's going to single you out at first," Bern murmured, figuring it would be important to point this out. "He's like a military man in that respect. He is going to push you until you are at 100%, and he might not be terribly nice about it. You shouldn't hate him, though. He's doing it to make sure you're capable of taking care of yourself and preserving your own life. You cannot forget that his job is protecting you, but he can only do so much, and if you aren't successful, then neither is he." He knew that adjusting to pseudo-military life was going to be a difficult transition for someone delicate like Wess, but the Integrators definitely had an easier job where physical things were concerned. "You can't take it too personally. His intentions really are good. He wants to see good things from you."
After some hesitation, he shifted himself around so he could lean with his shoulder kind of into Wess's chest, and embrace one of his arms slightly. His hand slid gently up to his shoulder. "I guess... I just got concerned about your well-being." He kept brushing his fingers over Wess's upper arm, sliding them lightly up and down, in a way that the other probably wished he could feel on his skin. "It was a big change for me, too, and I didn't have any life to change. And it will continue to affect you. At the same time, you're going to learn some indispensable skills from the very first day." He smiled slightly. "I can guarantee you that. And I'll be teaching you some of them." That was one thing that Wess could probably count on, and probably look forward to, as well! Bern probably had an absolute ton of things to teach him. And some of those things were probably not things he wanted to learn, but he'd have to. He'd... have to learn how to fight, right? To use weapons...
The night would really start setting in quickly once they got to talking. Bern seemed more awake and alert now that he'd had something to eat. And now that the stars were coming out, and the sky was growing dark with a beautiful sunset, the two of them were probably even more comfortable. Bern didn't seem ready to leave there at all. It was one of the most comfortable moments he'd been a part of in a long, long time. Maybe ever. He scooted back against Wess and turned with his back against his chest again, trying to get the most warmth out of him that he could.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 25, 2014 19:39:24 GMT -8
Wess smiled when the other seemed to settle into him, just... so happy with Bern there, with him seeming to like all of this as well. Alright, there was a lot of other stuff to think about as well, but having Bern there and all to himself seemed to drive those away. He wanted to focus on the other, wanted to just... let this moment be one that wasn't about anything else. Which was pretty impractical. Obviously, they needed to talk about some other things as well, and... well, he could live with that, too.
He pulled Bern a little closer while he spoke, and shifted his shoulders and legs just a bit, so that both of them could sit a little more comfortably. He was still listening, though, and thinking about Bern was saying, and... he could handle Elias, he thought. It was definitely good to know those things, and he sort of expected them anyways. This was the military, wasn't it? He was basically joining the military, so he'd have to get used to what came along with that. And it wasn't as if Wess was weak. Sure, he didn't like violence. He found it brutish, and repulsive, though. He didn't want to know how to fight because he personally saw it as needless and animalistic, not because he wasn't strong enough. And... well, he wasn't an athlete of any kind, either. But he was healthy, and he was mentally strong, too. Intelligent, and he knew how to protect, hide, and control his emotions. He could handle this, and he would be able to deal with Elias yelling at him just fine.
Wess moved himself a little to accommodate Bern's shift, and the arm that the other didn't hold moved to circle around him again, pull him close, and keep him steady. He moved his shoulders a bit, too, trying to get the blankets around them to bring a little more warmth to Bern. It hadn't gotten all that cold yet, though... the sun had still yet to leave them. It would take a little while for that to happen, so they'd be okay for some time yet. And he was glad of that... he really, honestly did not want to move. Especially since it was becoming pretty clear that Bern didn't either, that he was willing to sit there with Wess and talk and... and just be near him, like this. That was all he'd wanted out of the evening anyways.
He watched Bern's fingers move over his shoulder as he spoke, warmed a little by the comment about his well-being. And... he was really going to have to learn to fight, wasn't he? Bern was implying defense, and while that was pretty reasonable, he didn't like the idea. He didn't want to fight, and he didn't want to learn how. It might make it easier if Bern taught him, but still... the notion repulsed him. He could deal with that later, though.
"That will be... interesting." He mumbled, trying to keep his tone as ambiguous as possible. Not really a difficult task, for him. "And there is no need to worry about me. Please." His head moved to rest on Bern's, his cheek leaning up against his hair. He still wanted to take it out of it's ponytail, comb his fingers through it... It was so soft, he could feel it, and he wanted to feel it more. Maybe now was the time, if any... at least, sometime while they were there. He could wait to enjoy that moment, though. From the way things looked now, he would have plenty of time for that.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 26, 2014 0:11:15 GMT -8
Bern had already talked a whole lot about Elias and the whole situation they were about to get into, so he figured it was probably time that they were done with that subject. At least, for the sake of allowing them to begin to enjoy their time together... They didn't have to talk about this "work" related stuff all the time. In fact, they would probably grow to love the time they would have apart from it. Aside from school, they would be spending a lot of their time there. Wess would probably be spending almost all the time he wasn't in school, playing at the bar, or doing homework.... well, training. So the time they would get to themselves like this was probably going to dwindle, or even fade away completely for a period... And while that was probably kind of sad, it would also be a good thing; it would keep him busy, keep him focused, and make these few rare moments all the more special. Not to mention they could probably get used to staying with one another, if they would only admit that they both wanted to sleep together...
Bern just wanted to stay here all night. For some reason, that desire was there. Probably because he just didn't want to leave that place. It was cold, that was for sure... at least what they couldn't, or didn't cover with the blankets. And it would get colder when the sun went down, but Wess's warmth was doing a good job keeping him warm. Out of the two of them, he probably got cold the easiest, so this was definitely an important thing. He could tell that Wess was trying to wrap him up more, as he probably felt Bern's occasional shivers, but sometimes he shivered when he wasn't actually all that cold, too... Still, he liked that the other was considering him so much. He closed his eyes a little and leaned back against him after speaking, feeling indefinitely secure somehow. It was weird, thinking about how he'd probably never really had friends and how fast this had happened when it came down to it. He didn't care, though. He did, however, kind of want to go find out as much as he could about romance and love and what he was supposed to do, because he felt like he was doubting himself on what he should be doing all the time. That uncertainty kept him from really giving Wess an awful lot of attention, even though he hadn't done horribly when he had tried to kiss him, and kiss along his neck and all that. He was still unsure, though... and like anything else, he felt like he'd be more secure in his assertion of these things if he researched them. It was just the way he thought about stuff.
If Wess wanted to take Bern's ponytail out, he would definitely not be stopped. Bern usually kept his hair long because he hated how it looked when it was short, and pulled back because he didn't like it in his face, and he didn't need it getting in his way when he was working, studying, training, or whatever might happen. He wouldn't mind if it was taken down while he was with Wess, at least... And he wouldn't complain if the other wanted to comb his fingers through it or massage his scalp or something. Hell, Bern would probably love that, given that it wasn't like people did that kind of thing for him, and it would probably be something he'd really like if it did happen. And Wess would probably like it if he returned the favor, too. If it came to mind for Bern, especially if the other ended up doing it for him, he'd definitely try to return that favor...
"You know, I don't think I'll ever be able to completely stop worrying about you..." Bern whispered, tilting his head back so that he could look up at the other a bit from where he rested against his chest. He thought that Wess sounded pretty unhappy about having to get involved with this operation, but he didn't want to comment on it. He could have figured that... That was part of the reason he'd felt inclined to apologize about getting him involved. He didn't think the other was going to necessarily be happy with all the stuff he'd need to learn how to do. But Bern was convinced that he had to try and make things better for him, if he even had the power to. He'd gladly train Wess in every field he knew enough about. And maybe he'd even surprise him a little, who knew? There were few things he wouldn't do for Wess. A lot really had changed in the past couple of days, and he wouldn't trade it... Not for anything. His life felt somehow complete now.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 26, 2014 8:10:21 GMT -8
Wess smiled at the other's words and shut his eyes, taking a moment to just... enjoy his presence. Not that he wouldn't have plenty of time, now, but he wanted to make good use of every second. He expected this... operation... thing, he wasn't quite sure what to call it, was going to be taking up a lot of his time. It only made sense, it was a pretty logical assumption... and he didn't want to lose too much time with Bern. Sure, he'd have the time at the actual place to be around him, and to work close to him, but that was worlds apart from this. This was intimate, and... and soft, comfortable... this was incredibly different.
For a long while Wess was content to just sit there, waiting for the sunset with Bern still in his arms. A few times he struck up idle conversation, just mumbles of this or that meaningless thing, something they could talk about without having to poach the uncomfortable topic of 'work' again. And then he let it drift away again, in favor of enjoying the comfortable silence again. They didn't need to fill every crevice with words, he thought... they could, they absolutely could, but they could just as well sit and simply enjoy each other's company.
And then the sun finally did start setting, and Wess drew the blankets closer around them and watched it happily with Bern. The fiery reds and oranges, the glowing yellow, the traces of purples and pink on the edges of their vision... Wess was a romantic, and if Bern hadn't realized it before, he was see it then in the dreamy way Wess watched the sun drop below the skyline, and the way he only held Bern closer when it was gone.
He wasn't usually so in tune with the things around them, Bern may have noticed, but when it came to the beauty that was there Wess had a hard time missing it. Not so much in people, but in the other things... the buildings, and the music, and nature itself, and whatever else may have seemed to hold something different, something wonderful. One of the biggest tings that had changed in their relationship since Wess had grown closer to Bern was the fact that he'd started to see the beauty in Bern, too... not in the sense that he was pretty, but rather in the sense that Wess had begun to see the things that he could really love about him. The confidence and care that brought Wess so much comfort, and his intelligence, his strength, and... so many other things, too.
And after a while yet, Wess turned towards the other under all their blankets, and finally reached to take out his ponytail. It wasn't exactly a big, extravagant action, but he was careful anyways. He didn't want to make the other uncomfortable, so he moved a little more slowly than he may have wanted to... if Bern made it clear he wanted Wess to stop, he would, but if not... Wess set the tie aside and then ran a hand through Bern's hair, loosing it from the position the ponytail had held it in. He was right, it was incredibly soft... he pulled his fingers through it a few more times, and then he was content to just idly pet and play with it. He was growing sort of tired at this point, but definitely not enough to want to leave. The sunset had, as he'd predicted, made it a little colder, but... as long as Bern was still okay with remaining there, he didn't really want to go anywhere. He wanted to just live in this moment forever, to sit and watch the stars emerge from the twilight, and to run his long fingers through Bern's soft hair, and hold him close like this, and just... enjoy being with him, instead of worrying about anything else. That was all he wanted.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 26, 2014 13:01:21 GMT -8
Now that the night had set in, Bern felt even less likely to move, despite the colder air. He really was surprised at how warm he was keeping when he was this close to Wess. It was strange how they'd mostly just been sitting here, hardly speaking, hardly doing anything at all, and still felt like they were comfortable, just doing nothing. There was something entrancing about being lost in nothing else but the beauty of what was around them, though this was definitely not something Bern would be likely to enjoy on his own. He'd grow bored of it in no time at all. He honestly couldn't imagine any reasons, any ways that he would end up doing this on his own. But there was something about Wess that really revealed how wonderful this could be to him. And he would always be comfortable in his arms...
He found himself observing Wess a lot as the sun had begun to set. He'd noticed how much the other really watched, and while Wess was often comfortable watching what was going on in the environment around him, Bern found himself watching Wess instead. Seeing how enamored he was with the world, and he guessed he understood why, when he really started looking at it himself. The colors were really crazy, now that he started looking at it. Now he didn't believe that all sunsets necessarily looked the same, but this one was rather intense. He couldn't help but observe the other to some extent as he watched it.
And the stars... He'd never noticed them much before, thanks to the light pollution of the city. They weren't too far away from all of that, but the stars were so much more apparent here than they were in the city. Bern was usually indoors at night, but this night.... this night, things were so very different. He was watching everything... Wess, the sky, the beauty around him. He really had time to look at his face while he spent so much time sitting here with him. That is, if the other wasn't so distracted by the way he had to turn his body just so, so that he could. It was a little painful, a way that he didn't really like turning that much, but he figured it couldn't hurt him too much; it was like stretching his flexibility. He did have to shift so his back wasn't against Wess so much, though. Occasionally he'd lean in and rest his lips or nose against his neck a little, too, which Wess probably appreciated.
And then, when the other finally took out his ponytail, it kind of took Bern by surprise. It wasn't that he hadn't expected him to do it, ever... rather, he'd wondered why it took him so long, when the other had clearly been enamored with the idea of him with his hair down from the moment he'd retied it in front of him, a long time ago. But the sensual way he did it was the part that was kind of... strange, but really wonderful. It kind of made him shiver just thinking about it... and even more so as the other started brushing his fingers through his hair. He'd honestly never thought it would feel nice for someone to play with his hair.. He never thought anything of it when he tied it back himself. No, he didn't want Wess to stop! He could keep doing this forever, for all Bern cared! He didn't want to move, either. But eventually they would have to move. And by the time they would, it would be late. Much later than they probably thought.
Just when Bern had really gotten to where the other's gentle brushing through his hair was almost trancelike, and he was almost nodding off from it, Wess would probably decide they needed to go. The sudden movement would startle Bern, but he would readily get up, brushing himself off a bit.
"...What time is it?" Bern realized he'd really lost track of time... It was nighttime, but he didn't have any idea just -what- time... He thought about retying his hair, but... the thought lingered, and then faded away. "...When will I see you tomorrow?" That was exactly the first thing that came to mind after that point, which probably made Wess rather happy. At least, to know that Bern, who seemed kind of cold at times, who accepted everything he did but didn't really return all that much of it, did care enough about him to want to know when he'd see him the very next morning... But he wasn't going to let him go back home this late, was he? Wait a second, would he even be able to get a cot for him to sleep on? Perhaps the answer to Bern's question was going to be "when you wake up"...
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 26, 2014 16:54:36 GMT -8
Wess was enjoying the time there, the time alone with Bern all to himself, with nothing but him and the beauty of the world around them... it was wonderful, absolutely wonderful. It was Bern and his soft hair, his loving warm bundled up in Wess's chest with the blankets around them, a small, safe warmth against the vast cold. And he could feel him breathing, too, and the slight shift or two, the calming indications of his life ad his relaxation, and it was... incredible, really. And it felt almost infinite... like they had an endless supply of time, and endless supply of nothing but each other and their own safety, the incredible vulnerability they had at that moment and the safety that seemed to be in that, too, like just having each other there was enough to shield them from every nightmare the world could throw at them. It was Wess wrapped up in Bern wrapped back up in him, both of them curled up in their safe little bubble of quiet warmth, and it was absolutely amazing.
Wess did appreciate the little nudges he got from the other, the way he leaned his lips or his nose against the skin of his neck... while having that secure warmth of Bern pressed against his chest was lovely, it was even nicer to have that skin-on-skin contact, it was... more intimate, and a little more sensitive, and he showed that appreciation of it with a little sigh the first couple of times. God, it was so wonderful... everything was wonderful, and he dearly hoped it wasn't just some kind of crazy dream. It certainly felt unreal... just... too incredible to be real, too... different from what he was used to. Usually everything was cold, and he was alone, on his own. He had his mother, but he felt more like he had to protect her than anything else. It was him in front of his mother, against the horrors of the rest of the world. But now, now he had Bern... and sure, he did feel that same protectiveness. He would do absolutely anything to make sure Bern was happy, and that he was healthy, and safe, and okay. That was what had gotten them here, wasn't it? But he also felt like Bern was capable of doing the same, and was willing to. He'd done that when Wess had dealt with Glass Thoughts, hadn't he? He didn't turn away from Wess, even though their relationship wasn't exactly a strong one. He'd been there for him, in every way he could. And Wess felt safe in that, too. It wasn't just Wess anymore, it was Wess and Bern. It was both of them, together. And that was an amazing feeling in and of itself.
The soft, languid smile on Wess's face spread wider when he felt the other relax into him, clearly enjoying the way Wess was touching his hair. And he didn't blame him; his mom had done it a few times, when he was much younger... it was lovely, and relaxing. And he was glad Bern was able to relax into it so much, much less a tightly wound ball of secrets and stress and suppressed emotions. And his hair... god, he loved it down. It looked so nice, the soft blond waves framing his face like that, and it was so fucking lovely, too. It was soft, and Wess loved the feeling of his fingers caught up in it, and he easily lost himself in it. In Bern.
He wasn't really sure how long they sat there, either. Just that it was a long, long time... a few hours, maybe? More? However long it had been, it was a long time. It was getting late.... very late. They would probably have to leave soon, right? If he had to guess, it was probably after midnight, even... this would be the time even the bars started closing, which meant the drunks and the Glass Thinkers, the Glass fucking Thinkers, would be out and wandering the streets. And they were in a park, too, which was where the city's homeless would start to wander in to find their places in the bushes or... whatever. It was about to get a little less safe than Wess was wholly comfortable with... Bern could defend himself, sure, but he had to be getting tired, too. He'd been tired before, and it was late, he hadn't had any time to really sleep... plus, there was Wess. Wess didn't know how to defend himself, and he didn't particularly want to. If Bern had to defend him, he would be pretty fucked.
So yes, they would need to leave. But to where? Wess didn't know how willing he was to let Bern go all the way home by himself, or with Wess. It was... what, an hour's walk? Not a fucking chance. Wess's was only twenty minutes from where they were, that would be better... but if the tavern was closing, the staff had gone home, and he wouldn't be able to get a cot or anything, and... fuck. Fuck! He could put the blankets in the laundry room, and he probably should, but the cots were kept elsewhere. Only staff could get in, since that was where the supplies was kept. So, if Bern did stay over, he'd need to...
"Late," Wess mumbled as he finally started moving to get up, slowly, so that he didn't disturb Bern too much. He sounded tired, and he looked it, too... "Late enough that the streets have most likely begun to fill up with the city's trash, if my guess is anywhere near correct." He sounded confident that it was. Wess stretched a bit, then begun picking up the blankets and folding them into the basket. When he had done that, he turned to face Bern, looking a little bit worried. "If... If you would like to stay the night with me, you may. Your room is an hour's walk from here at best, and mine is less than half that. I think it may be a good idea..." He looked uncertain. Not because he didn't want Bern to stay, but because he didn't want to make him uncomfortable. More than anything, he wanted Bern to be comfortable, and... well, he wasn't exactly attempting anything adventurous here, and the request sounded pretty innocent, but what if Bern saw the underlying wish to sleep with him? Not... not sex, just holding the other while they slept, having him close... Bern hadn't seemed uncomfortable with anything Wess had done so far, but what if this pushed that to the edge?
"Be warmed, though, that I may not be able to get a cot. The tavern should be shutting down now, if it has not already. I cannot lay on the floor, and these need to return to the laundry room, so..." He let that trail off, his face heating up. Hopefully, Bern wouldn't be able to see it in the dark. "Do not mistake my hesitation for repulsion, I just... do not wish to cause discomfort." Well, that was about as ambiguously as he could put it. And he was trying. Very, very hard. He didn't want Bern to feel obliged to sleep in the same bed as Wess. Oh god, especially since he'd have to take off his binder... it was hard on his spine. It would probably be uncomfortable for Bern to be in the same bed as him without the binder, right? Or maybe not, he wasn't sure. Wess took his glasses off his nose and started to clean them.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 26, 2014 18:28:57 GMT -8
It still felt strange to Bern, to know that he'd been sitting there with Wess... just sitting there, accomplishing nothing at all, literally nothing. Doing nothing with his time. How long had it been since he'd just spent time doing nothing? What had he even missed out on? For some reason, and it was quite unlike him, he had been so reluctant to just... stop doing nothing. It was just strange. Bern never did "nothing"; he was always busy with something. His mind was always on something else. Never ceasing, never slowing down enough to stop. But when Wess kind of forced him into it like this... Well, it hadn't been that bad. Rather the opposite. He couldn't have thought of a more comfortable thing to do right now, after all the stress he'd been through the day before. His breakdown really had only been the day before! It was hard to believe how far things had gone since then.
One thing was for sure; he was really starting to feel like he needed to research something. Research how to do all this love stuff... because both of them were clearly struggling. And he didn't know exactly why the feeling was so urgent. Perhaps he knew that the two of them had a deeper relationship than this, despite the short amount of time they'd spent together after confessing love... But they were already starting to get so wrapped up in each other, and it was such an alien feeling. Especially to Bern, who wasn't even used to being touched. And yet something about being touched by Wess, being touched and held this much, it felt almost like it was something he'd been missing all his life. And it was almost like he couldn't have enough of it. That was probably part of the reason why he wanted so much more, like he felt like he couldn't stop. For all he knew, he was already just as addicted as Wess had been to the Tranquility, and there was no turning back. Honestly, though, he didn't want to. He didn't ever want to. It was like he knew now, knew that his life was incomplete without Wess. It always had been, and he'd just never known.
His legs felt like jelly when he tried to stand up again... He realized all of a sudden that he really must have been sitting there for a long, long time with Wess. How long had it even been? He felt like he could barely stand, and it was a feeling that was unknown to him. He was used to moving around a lot, save for when he read. And he never sat and read as long as he'd sat here, he didn't think, anyway... At least when he did that, he had plenty to focus on, and he would move around a lot to make sure he was comfortable. But he'd been comfortable the whole time, with minimal shifting, when he'd been here with Wess. Despite probably being cold. It was really cold, now that he was standing up, and the heat that had been gathered between them in the blankets was dispersed. It was like magic or something. Not that Bern believed in magic; he believed that there was a rational explanation for everything. But he couldn't come up with a rational explanation to why he felt this way about Wess. To why these things happened, and he allowed them to happen, and he didn't care that they were happening... He'd spent hours listening to Wess breathe, listening to his heartbeat, looking at his face and memorizing every detail, indulging in his sighs. And now that he was being forced to part from all of it, he just didn't want to leave.
When he finally stood steadily, he looked briefly out at the park, wondering if they really were in any danger, as the other insinuated. Well, he hadn't really, he'd just said that the scum of the earth would be walking it right now, because it was getting that late. Bern wasn't worried about his own protection, but he also didn't necessarily want to walk a whole hour back home. Twenty minutes back to Wess's place was going to be more than enough, especially with how late it was. And while he was getting tired, it was all the more reason he probably should stay with him. "I concede that it would be ridiculous for me to return to the dorm. But..." He could tell the other was somehow embarrassed about the way things had gone. The implications of what they would have to do, if he did, in fact, come back with Wess and stay with him. "Though... I don't mind the idea." He was honestly impressed at how carefully the other had approached the delicate subject, but it hadn't been necessary. "You have no need to be concerned about whether I would be repulsed by that. Of course I don't mind staying with you." He tilted his head back a bit, causing some of his hair to fall back over his shoulder. "But if you are uncomfortable, I can sleep on the floor." He would at least offer to do it himself. He could handle a more uncomfortable environment better than Wess, given how he'd had to do some odd things in the past. Being in an orphanage sometimes meant that nothing went quite the way you wanted it to. When it was too full, he'd given up his bed. He even ate less. It was just the kind of thing he ended up having to do, out of regard for the other kids, as he grew older and older and still, no one dared adopt him. So it wasn't like it was the first time he'd had to sleep on the floor. Though, he was a bit unexpected by the other making it sound like there really was no other way, and seeming somehow embarrassed by it. He wouldn't do anything the other was uncomfortable with. But he wasn't sure if the other wanted it or not. He knew he... yeah, he wanted it. He would love to sleep with him. And as weird as it sounded, he was starting to feel like he'd love to -sleep- with him. As unreasonable as it would have probably been, and still knowing nothing about it, he had somehow come to the conclusion that he'd be okay with it. He'd be more than okay. But he'd never want to do it without knowing exactly how the other would be comfortable.
Wess just had to be uncertain, that was all. He didn't want to push him too far. Bern recognized that he was pretty open to everything, but he had chalked it up to curiosity. He didn't mind trying all these things. He'd never made out with Wess. He wanted to try that, but god knows he'd make a terrible mess of it. He could barely kiss him without making a mess of things. And that set him to thinking; had he ever even witnessed anything he could learn from? He probably never paid enough attention to do that. And logic probably wouldn't help him much in learning how to do something like that either. Either way, he had nothing wrong with sleeping with Wess, binder or not. Although he probably didn't have large enough breasts to be all that noticeable, if he was able to bind them away to to the point that Bern hadn't known he was female physically until that moment when he'd had to take off his binder. It didn't matter anyway, not right now.
"Come on, we should go before it gets any later," Bern mused, helping Wess pick up and fold some of the blankets. The sooner they could get out of the cold, the better.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 26, 2014 21:19:07 GMT -8
Wess smiled a bit at his first words, relieved. Did he really not mind...? He made it sound like he was really willing to stay with Wess like that, even with his offer to sleep on the floor... which wasn't really needed. Now that he was aware Bern wasn't discomforted by the idea of sleeping with Wess, he was going to jump on that opportunity. A whole night of Bern to himself... all to himself, safe and secure with him and providing that same safety and security. It really did seem like a dream, now.... he'd only have, what, half an hour to wait? Just half an hour, and then... Bern was willing to curl up with him again, and he seemed okay with it, and it was... exciting, and that excitement was sort of embarrassing, too. Just a bit; for the most part, he was completely content with those feelings he had for Bern.
He felt... safe, with Bern. And different. He really did, and in just the most wonderful of ways. He could finally relax a bit and know that someone else was there with him, and wanted to be there with him, and it was so incredibly lovely. The whole world seemed that much warmer for it, and that much less lonely, and that much less like a threat to him.
"We should," Wess agreed, and straightened with the picnic basket on his arm, then slipped his other around Bern's waist to pull him gently closer. Bern was probably cold... Wess was, too, but his heavy woolen coat kept most of it off. Actually...
Grinning suddenly, Wess set the basket down and let go of Bern. He unbuttoned his jacket, then, and they slipped it off his shoulders and onto Bern's. Bern was clearly the more sensitive to the cold of the two of them, and while Wess wasn't exactly hardy, he could deal with it better than Bern could. It helped that he wasn't so skinny... Without a word on the subject, he picked up the basket again and pulled the other closer, as he had before.
"You needn't sleep on the floor. There is plenty of room in... in my bed, and I do not mind it." He smiled, and then began to walk away from where they'd sat and towards the tavern.
Wess didn't have to play on the weekends, but rather every other day of the week, so he could easily devote the rest of his weekend to just... being with Bern. Obviously he also had school to worry about, but he could go without studying for one weekend, and he hadn't any homework that he hadn't already done, or that couldn't afford to wait until Monday morning when Bern would doubtless go back. But Sunday... what would they do, Sunday? He would honestly be content to just sit in his room with Bern and do nothing, do what they'd done tonight, but maybe it would be a good idea to get out and do something again. He didn't really have any money... maybe the chef would be willing to let him cook Bern a meal, or he could steal some time on the stage to play for him, or they could go to a museum, or another park, or some lake somewhere... There were lots of things to do in the city, and Wess was sure they'd be able to come up with something to entertain themselves with. But perhaps it could wait until the next day.
He lead Bern back to the tavern, which was, as he'd predicted, pretty much closed. So they entered through a back entrance, which Wess had a key to, and then he disappeared into a room in that hall to rid himself of the basket and blankets before taking Bern up to his room.
Wess's room was as it always was, though it looked just a bit more messy than was usual. There were some art supplied scattered about his desk, along with some papers... a few of them looked like they had some brief sketches on them. Wess must have done those the night before... and if Bern looked closely enough, he might notice that one of the more finished sketches bore something of a resemblance to Bern himself.
Wess ignored this, though, already moving about his room to prepare for sleep. He pulled the blankets on his bed down to get into later, and gestured vaguely towards the dresser before disappearing into the bathroom. Bern probably knew the routine by now; he was welcome to grab a shirt or some pajama pants to sleep in, and Wess would take care of his own business in the bathroom as quickly as he could manage. He'd let Bern dress there, and then give him his time in the bathroom... it was sort of strange, how comfortable he was around Bern, but also rather expected. They'd actually lived together for short periods of time, and they trusted each other, so why shouldn't they be?
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 27, 2014 1:16:51 GMT -8
Bern just smiled as he thought about how unsettled the other had gotten about the whole idea of them sleeping together in the same bed. Sure he had no problem with that... but he supposed he could see how that might be a lot more intimate than just sitting out like this, with both of them awake, and well aware of what the other was doing. Sleeping with someone took some trust that perhaps Wess wasn't sure Bern had in him. But Bern had known it was okay. He'd even moved on from that thought, not that he was sure he wanted to tell Wess. It wasn't that he was a pervert or anything, but it was to say that his mind had just wandered. The idea that they actually were going to be able to sleep together made him feel warm, though not in a way that really kept him warm in the frigid air... a different kind of warm altogether, one that he rather liked. It'd be even better when he actually did it, wouldn't it? It would probably not feel too different, though.. He didn't anticipate it being all that different, especially since he kind of dozed off around the other more than a time or two. Sometimes he just wasn't the healthiest boy ever, what with the way he missed sleep and didn't eat like he should. Well, if Wess stayed around, that was going to change for sure. He probably wouldn't have eaten this day if Wess hadn't fed him, anyway.
He had to shift his weight as the other wrapped his arm around his body, pulling him close. He had a jacket; it was too damn cold for him not to, but as the other stopped, and put the basket down, he stopped too, wondering what the heck the other was doing... Then he realized as the other pulled off his coat. He got a good laugh out of that too, as the other slipped the coat over his shoulders. While he was definitely grateful for it, he couldn't believe the other was actually taking his coat off for him. Wess never seemed to take it off, so he had always figured that he got cold even easier than Bern did. And maybe he did, but this was still ridiculous!
"Come on, I know you need to wear that. It's freezing out here..." Bern murmured, looking sidelong up at him, kind of showing that he did like the act of affection, but also that he didn't think it as a very good idea. "I swear, if you make yourself sick or something..." He realized, though, that no amount of complaining was going to make Wess take his coat back. At least he could unfold one of the blankets and put it over his shoulders or something, if it came to that. They did have plenty of blankets, at least.
When they arrived back at the tavern, even when Wess went in the back way, something about it kind of felt like home to Bern now. Granted, he hadn't spent a lot of time back here with him, not since he'd been hiding out there, but there was a certain feeling of comfort here, like he had in his own room back on campus. Bern never really felt much like he had a home, just a safe place or whatever... But something about Wess's little room felt a lot like home. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he was never going to be alone here, or at least not for long. He could feel safe here, too... Not as much that Wess made him feel -safe- in the physical sense, as he knew the other probably wouldn't be much of a shield against any kind of danger. It was more like he felt comfortable. He felt loved and cared for, and that was a new feeling to him, but one that was increasingly more and more important.
It was late, but Bern wasn't sure he was entirely tired yet. No matter; as the other went to the bathroom to do his nightly routine, Bern started observing the papers the other had scattered all over his desk. That was messier than he remembered him being, but perhaps he just hadn't had time to straighten up. He saw some sketches there, and leaned over the desk, taking a closer look. He squinted, trying to figure out just what he was drawing, or in some cases, who... wait a second, that looked an awful lot like... him.
He straightened back up, his face flushed. Yes, his face. The blush had immediately gone past his ears to his face, and he was awfully glad the other had departed to the bathroom for now. Maybe he could pretend like he never saw this. There was something really weird, and really... flattering about being drawn. The fact that someone had looked at you enough to want to spend a long time thinking only about drawing you, looking at every one of those lines as they drew them, trying to make them look -like you-. It was weird! And it made him feel embarrassed. Anyway, he turned away from the drawing, and after the other exited the bathroom, he grabbed some pajama pants, went in to the bathroom to take care of what he needed, and exited a few minutes later... shirtless! That was probably not something Wess had expected... But he didn't have anything to hide anymore, either. Perhaps that was his way of saying that things had changed?
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 27, 2014 9:07:00 GMT -8
Bern was right; no amount of complaining was going to get Wess to take his coat back. He knew Bern had been cold, even when curled up with Wess under all those blankets... and he would survive the twenty-minute walk back to his room. He did end up shivering by the time they reached it, though... he did his best to ignore it, but he was cold. Having Bern there beside him, though, seemed to make it... less, somehow. Maybe the warmth he felt with the other was a little more physical than he'd originally thought.
Wess was definitely not any kind of gladiator. He couldn't physically protect Bern, and he knew that, but... he had other ways, right? He had housing him, and feeding him, and talking to him... he'd even stitched him up, that once. But he was still inept as a fighter. If someone tried to harm Bern, the most Wess could do was try to talk them out of the situation, and then fix Bern afterwards. But as it stood now, Wess was sort of... useless, on that front. Maybe it would prove motivation to learn to fight later on....
He hadn't intended to embarrass Bern with his drawing, really. Wess had done it the night before, when his thoughts were so caught up in Bern that he couldn't shake them loose. For the same reason that his music had held so much more passion for it, he'd felt the overwhelming urge to draw before he could sleep. And when he had he'd been sort of dreamy, not really grounded and thinking about things like how messy he was making his room, as he usually did. And then Bern had come out of his pencils... It really had just happened, his thoughts had drifted there, to the curve of his face and the kind smile he sometimes wore, the rounded glasses and eyes behind them, that hair... He wasn't embarrassed by it, to the point where he had even forgotten about it sitting on his desk there. And he didn't realize until Bern was in the bathroom and he was out that the other might have seen it... Bern had a big ego, though, surely if he had seen it he wouldn't mind. Wess didn't know. If Bern chose to talk to him about it, he would probably end up saying the same.
When the other came out of the bathroom shirtless, Wess was honestly surprised. He'd never seen Bern without his shirt, save for the time the day before he'd shown Wess what was on his back. Well... it made sense, then. He wanted to hide the rune on his back, and he had plenty of reason for that. Wess knew that now. So maybe this was how he usually slept? Or maybe he was trying to show Wess how much he trusted him, or... some combination of both of those things. Whatever it was, Wess wasn't exactly complaining.
Wess himself was wearing what he usually wore to bed: a pair of pajama pants, and a very, very loose shirt. He wasn't exactly big in the chest, not really, so the shirt did a fantastic job of hiding that he had anything in the chest at all. But if Bern were to get close enough, he might actually feel something... which was mostly what Wess was afraid of. Would that freak him out? Would he even care? He didn't know if Bern had accepted all of these things about Wess, or if he was still pretending Wess's physical body matched his gender. Well... he supposed they would find out.
Wess moved over to sit on the bed, unsure what else to do. He would let Bern do what he wanted, whatever was most comfortable for him, but he did want to get in bed soon... the lamp next to it was the only one on right now, so he'd be able to turn it off, or Bern would, whenever they had figured out how they wanted to settle in for the night.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 27, 2014 21:21:23 GMT -8
Despite how ridiculous it was, Bern had been rather happy wearing Wess's coat, and even when they got back, he was a bit reluctant to take it off. It was really warm, and one of the few articles of clothing that was bound to smell like him. Now that he was really noticing the details about things, like their scent, he was starting to realize their power. The natural scent the other had was really quite alluring now that he was aware of it, and wearing an article of their clothing was really something special. He was reluctant to take it off when they got back, but he would have begun to grow hot in it, anyway. He realized he became even more reluctant when the scent was much easier to focus on, being indoors where it was warmer... it ended up that he had to tell himself he had something better waiting for him that night. Oh, and he did... He so did.
The drawing he'd witnessed was unsettling, but not for the fact that it was a drawing of him, not at all. Moreso, he felt weird about it because the ego the other perceived about him might not have been just the way he had perceived it. Bern had a strong, ego, yes, but that was for the merits of his character, not his appearance. The things he wanted people to know him for, to remember him for, were elements of his character. Things that made him special weren't his appearance, they were his intelligence and wit, his creativity in a tight spot, his skill at talking himself out of a situation, keeping an eye on others... These were all the kinds of things he insisted people think of him for. His appearance was just not one of those things. So seeing a picture drawn of his appearance was weird to him... and this probably made a lot more sense from that perspective. From that point of view, it made him feel embarrassed. Who would want to draw -him-? Who would want to just... spend their time making a visual representation of him, especially when they honestly could just take a photograph or runograph. He just couldn't imagine Wess sitting down and thinking about nothing but him and drawing him from memory... okay, wait, maybe he could. Wess did, without a doubt, seem really enamored with him. And he understood, because he was thoroughly enamored with Wess, too... But it just seemed strange to him. Perhaps because creativity and art were not the normal directions of his mental faculties, and he just didn't understand how one could be inspired to do that specific kind of thing, and how the subject matter would just pour from their memory and their mind... And that's what had happened here, for Wess. Anyway, he didn't think he was going to make that big of a deal out of it. If he saw Wess doing it more, he might say something, though...
He had chosen not to wear his shirt now. He figured there was no reason he really had to... When he was in private, he liked to sleep without it, if only because it felt more comfortable that way. So now that he was with someone he trusted with the knowledge of the tattoo on his back, he was okay with the idea of him seeing it, of exposing it to him during the night this way. Otherwise, he'd exchanged his tightly-seamed dress pants for some looser, more comfortable pajama pants... that was a measure of comfort he always chose to take, himself.
Upon exiting the bathroom, Bern moved over to his side, slowly seating himself. He'd been thinking for a while now about how he wanted to try something intimate. Yes, he wanted to badly, but he knew he would almost surely fail miserably, and yet he'd been thinking about it for such a while, it almost felt ridiculous NOT to do it. And yet it would probably be worlds more ridiculous to go ahead and... Oh, fuck it. He was feeling awfully brave right now.
Scooting a little closer to the other, tilting his head up, as though to reaffirm his dignity (before, he figured, he was just going to lose it), he spoke quietly to him. "You're welcome to push me away if this isn't what you want it to be. And it probably won't be." Well, at least he was being honest about it... But then, he turned himself, turned his body to face the other's, and leaned in close, probably a bit unexpectedly, especially as his hands came up to gently brush over his cheeks before cradling his head delicately in his hands as he leaned in to kiss him. Wess would immediately realize this was a deeper kiss than Bern had definitely ever had the courage to give him. In fact, it was probably beyond what he'd done, too, seeing as it was an open mouthed kiss... One that Bern had probably been thinking about giving him for a long time, but just hadn't had the courage. Though while Wess would probably expect it to be badly executed, it really... wasn't all that bad. It wasn't too messy, just right, really, where that was concerned. Bern pressed his tongue into Wess's mouth and slid it against his own, finding the action to be really... quite great. And the sensation alone caused him to relax a bit more, and his gesture only became more passionate as he almost seemed to melt into the kiss. He wasn't able to kiss him for that long, and it was still tentative, but it was a pretty good kiss, aside from being vaguely awkward. He'd been hesitant about any displays of affection, so Wess had to be thinking this was great. And maybe he'd liked that kiss enough to start giving Bern his own. Or maybe he still felt like it was too soon. Their relationship was really progressing fast, but it was partially because their relationship had developed so unevenly. They were so, so much closer than most anyone who had been in a relationship for two days.
Just when Wess was probably really starting to enjoy that kiss, though, Bern had to pull away to breathe. He'd get more used to this, eventually. But for now it was really tough for him, and Wess had to appreciate that he'd actually kissed him like that. He was still only about an inch away from his face, though, and his lips curled into a wry smile which faded away into a much more natural one. It was rare for Bern to smile, but he'd been doing it a lot more during the last couple of days, even if it was fleeting, and it had to be something that Wess dwelled on. "...A goodnight kiss," he whispered, before pecking him on the lips one more time.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 28, 2014 2:23:00 GMT -8
It wasn't so much that Wess was focusing on Bern's appearance as what mattered in him... and really, he didn't. It was just what held all of the things that were Bern to him. It was like a container, one he'd grown to love almost as much as what was inside, and to him it just meant everything Bern meant to him. Intelligence, and comfort, and support, and safety, and care, and... and so much more, so many other things it was hard to even think about them all at once. And when he was feeling so many things for all of that all at once, what better way to express how much he loved it all then by drawing it?
Not that it seemed to matter, with Bern... At least, he hadn't bothered to bring up the subject with Wess. So he wasn't going to worry about it now. Especially with Bern sitting so close again, moving closer, and... He couldn't possibly imagine anything Bern doing being what Wess didn't want, really. And he was about to voice that, too, but then Bern did something very much what Wess wanted, and...
It felt wonderful. He wasn't sure what else to think in that moment except for that, that is felt incredible, and that it was definitely a surprise. Bern had done a few things already to show Wess some affection, but they'd been spaced out, even rare. Which was probably why he valued them so much... and it wasn't that he didn't think Bern wanted any of the things Wess did, or that Wess didn't want to do so many things with him, but it was nice to have that reaffirmation every now and then, and... well, as awkward as Bern was, he was still Bern. He was Wess's Bern, and Wess loved all of those things about him, and... and it really did feel amazing, too. It was intimate, moreso than anything they'd done so far, but it wasn't unpleasant. And as Wess felt the other leaning into it and melting, he started to do the same, and even started kissing back near the end of it. He wasn't exactly practiced, either, but... well, he lived in the world. He read books, and he saw people, and he had a fair idea of what to do.
He honestly didn't think this could be too soon. Their relationship really had developed past any first-time couple's had, and... okay, it had only been two days, but if they were both okay with this, what was the problem? It wasn't like they had only a limited amount of affection to show, like they could burn out all their love in the first week. No... Wess didn't think he could ever stop loving Bern. He didn't think there was ever going to be a time when he didn't want to be close to him, and do... so many things, all of these intimate things, to and with the other. It wasn't even fathomable, he just... everything had only been growing stronger, and how could it ever weaken?
He didn't want to know the answer to that question, really. He just wanted to... wanted to lean closer, to feel this... and he did, turning more towards Bern and putting his hands down on the other's waist, even as the other pulled away to breath. And he smiled, taking a moment to catch his own breath, and his eyes searched the other's face to take in every detail of this. God, he was so... so perfect, so fucking beautiful... and that smile, he loved it when Bern smiled, he wanted to memorize the curve of his lips like that and the way his eyes softened. He wanted to drink it all in forever and he wanted to kiss it at the same time, and... it was so irrational, all of this was so irrational and so impossible, but he wouldn't change any of it for the whole damn world.
"Of course I want this." he breathed, just before Bern pecked his lips again, and then leaned closer to him and kissed him back. Not a peck, but... opening his mouth and slipping his tongue into Bern's as the other had done to him. It was a little less hesitant than Bern had been, and of course his movements were different, more... more confident, and he seemed to be trying to pull the other just a bit closer while he kissed him, though his grip on Bern's waist wasn't uncomfortable. And eventually a hand moved up to curl in Bern's hair, while the other arm slipped around his waist to pull him into Wess as much as he could manage in that sort of awkward position.
He tried to stay a bit longer than Bern had, but while his lungs had a bigger capacity from the rare song he'd sing, he needed to make sure Bern was alright as well. He didn't want to suffocate him or anything, as much as he wanted to keep doing this... because god, it felt incredible, and he wanted to just do it forever, to never stop. He didn't ever want to have to not be kissing Bern, and he didn't ever want to have to move away from him.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 28, 2014 23:10:49 GMT -8
Bern had thought he was probably doing something stupid with his actions, but at the same time, he kind of subconsciously knew that Wess probably wouldn't just... push him away, even if he didn't like what he was doing... unless it literally made him uncomfortable. He knew the other had to have a lot of tact in him. Now granted, Bern was always telling him he should be tactless with him. He'd rather have the truth just as it was, even if it hurt. Though he also didn't always realize that what Wess was often saying wasn't necessarily a response given out of the desire to remain tactful, even though Bern got that impression from him a lot. He had reasons to doubt the other's opinion of him. Tons and tons of them. It was almost uncomfortable thinking about just how many things the other -had- to be finding wrong with him, and it was unfortunate that he didn't realize just how much Wess cared for him, even for the things that Bern surely thought he couldn't care for. His appearance for one... Bern didn't really consider himself attractive in the least... but then again, what did he know about beauty? And what did Wess know about beauty? These were two very different things. And perhaps Wess was a little biased now, but honestly, even though he knew Wess surely found him attractive, or he wouldn't be with him... he had to wonder what the other had first thought about him. And sometimes he did; it encouraged him to ask.
That was the kind of thing that he was entertaining, after pulling back from that kiss, and telling Wess just what it was for. His mind buzzed with warmth, remembering the sensation... Listening to Wess's soft voice whispering affirmations as he leaned in to peck his lips one last time. He thought it would end there, that they would just lay down and go to sleep together, find a comfortable position and curl up with the other's warmth, and he briefly considered asking him what he'd thought of him when they first met, but before he had a chance, he was taken completely off guard by the other pulling him close again. He'd withdrawn his hands from the other's face, so Wess leaning in, grabbing him around the waist and pulling him even closer had him a bit off balance, too... And all of that as startling as it was, he let out a soft sound (that the other would probably think was cute, despite it more likely being a sound of surprise than an actual moan... if only he knew how much Bern was holding back his desire to moan) as the other started kissing him again, with much more certainty than he sure had... Well, of course Wess could do that... Everything he ever did where romance was concerned seemed perfect to Bern... Not that he had anything to judge it by, but it just seemed perfect. And perhaps he'd kind of taught Wess something from his own mistakes... He found himself caring less and less as the kiss continued, and his own arms wrapped weakly around Wess's waist as he tried to return the other's kiss as much as he could, to show his own appreciation, but it wasn't easy to match the other. He'd never match up to him, would he?
As the other held him there longer, he did find it was longer than his breath really could hold out, but he didn't protest... actually, the feeling of this going on a little longer than he was comfortable wasn't unpleasant at all. Some might have found it frightening, and he supposed there was a certain hint of fear in it, but there was something he liked about it, too... the fact that he was starting to get a bit lightheaded gave something to the kiss that he couldn't have expected. Over time, his arms had tightened around the other until he was gripping him kind of firmly, as though he didn't want to let him move away... Though, it didn't last forever; when it really did start getting too much, he completely unwound his arms as though to indicate to the other that he needed to part from him. And when they finally separated from that kiss, Bern kind of wished he didn't have to, despite the feeling that he couldn't breathe that had really only overwhelmed him for a few seconds. He gasped to catch his breath, looking up to the other with softened eyes, if only from just how intimate their last couple of kisses had been. He'd been stunned speechless for the moment.
It took him several moments to really gather his composure, so if it wasn't interrupted, he'd eventually gain enough strength back to say something. "...Should we...?" He cut his sentence off too soon, seeming to assume that Wess knew exactly what he was going to say next. "...Uh, go to bed, I mean?" Despite having been able to speak now, it did seem like he still wasn't quite back to being the same Bern as he usually was... the one who could discuss quantum physics like it was a casual topic, and remark in biting sarcasm at nearly any given time he wanted to... But he sure seemed different right now. He couldn't gather his words; he was disheveled, and it wasn't in a bad way at all. Wess had really undone him, and he could probably take pride in being the only one who had the ability to do that.
"Oh..." Bern finally remembered what he'd been entertaining a moment before Wess had captured him in that... stunning kiss. "I was meaning to ask. I ...wondered what you thought of me when we first met... How different it was... is, from now." He took a deep breath, still feeling somewhat drained from the earlier intense kiss.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Mar 1, 2014 1:03:32 GMT -8
Wess was thoroughly enjoying how much the other seemed to come undone for him. The little squeak, god that was cute... and the way he tried, actually tried to kiss him back, that was... amazing, really. They were both doing something now, both trying to show each other how much they loved, how much they wanted the other... At the same time, and Wess found himself leaning further into it, losing himself in it... just for a moment, just until he decided that the need for oxygen he was starting to feel probably meant Bern was feeling it more, and needed to stop.
The hesitation had been different from this, from the undoing, because that was more like he was afraid, but this was... kind of like victory. Like he'd done something Bern liked so much that he was just stunned, unable to be his usual, confident self. And it was only now that he'd seen it happen... not any other time, not with any other person. This was the Bern of just this moment, this was Wess's Bern. The Bern only he got to see, because only he was able to get Bern to act that way. It felt... special. Like there was only just this one. And he wanted to sit there and make it happen more, partially because he loved that incredible feeling of kissing Bern and being kissed back, and partially because he wanted to see Bern like this more. He wanted this to be the way it always was, to have this just never end... he wanted this to be the only thing he had to do and know, because it was so incredible, so wonderful, it seemed to outshine anything else he could think of.
Not that he was letting this consume him. On the contrary, it seemed to be strengthening his other passions. He wanted to make things because of Bern, for Bern... he wanted to draw him again, with those lovely soft eyes and that beautiful soft smile, and he wanted to take all of these feelings and put them into a song, he wanted to capture all that Bern was and all that Bern made him feel in his piano and play it for him, express all of that for him... show him how incredible he was, how absolutely amazing he made Wess feel. And Wess wanted to feel these things all the time, this intense happiness... the lack of stress and worry, the safety Bern gave him. He wanted to learn things for Bern, improve himself and his situation, much like he wanted to for his mother. Except this was more intense, and though similar, still worlds apart. He loved his mother, but he loved Bern.
Wess smiled at Bern when they pulled away, his own breath coming a bit harder. He'd always had a cold grace about him before, but now he looked warm through and through, and happy. Genuinely and completely happy. And that smiled grew when the other made his undoing more clear in his words. He let out a brief, laughing breath and pecked Bern's lips before making any attempt to answer. He was hiding it pretty well, but his own thoughts had grown pretty muddled, still caught up in the amazing thing that was kissing Bern.
"... We can lay, while we talk." he muttered, pressing one last kiss to Bern's lips before moving down to lay on the further side, the one closer to the wall. If and when Bern settled in with him, he would tug the covers over both of them and then speak again.
"When I first met you?" he mused quietly, trying to think back to that time... "I thought you were intelligent, of course. And I still do. You spoke as if we were equals, and you were one of few who seemed to be one, too." He paused, his hand moving to grab for Bern's. "And after that... I am not certain. I liked you, though. I knew you were interesting, and I wanted to.... be around you. I wanted to talk with you. I wanted to look at you." His cheeks were growing red, but the light was dim... maybe he wouldn't notice. "I think later I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to do what you wanted. And... I still want that. I want all of those things." His voice was quiet, barely above where it needed to be to be audible. "I cared for you for a long time, but I did not realize how much so until later. Until I realized how willing you were to care for me, too, and... many other things." He turned his head to look at Bern, his eyes trying to find the other's. He was smiling a little, still, despite the red in his face. His eyes still appeared soft and warm.
"And you?"
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Mar 2, 2014 0:16:10 GMT -8
Bern was thoroughly uncomfortable by the way he was getting so unraveled by the other's actions. Though he probably should have been more comfortable with them, as he was with Wess, but for some people it was harder than others to really let go of their inhibitions. Bern was probably one of them; so this... "undone" Bern that Wess was so suddenly possessive of was a sort of Bern that he might have to unravel even further, to get him to the point where he didn't seem so embarrassed by the other's advances, or even his own. In time, perhaps, he'd get used to this. Though doing sexual things with him would probably be pretty difficult until he got more used to giving up his inhibitions. Well, at the very least, he'd probably have a harder time enjoying it, perhaps, because he was so focused on his embarrassment about the other being able to do this to him.
And that possessive edge that had emerged was probably something that made Wess kind of excited, on the other hand. Knowing that he was the only one who could make Bern do this; make Bern look at him like this. Bern, who he had probably been very aware of, was rather obsessed with control. He'd gotten to know him well enough to know that this couldn't have been entirely comfortable for him, to give up that feeling of having control over their relationship and letting Wess do what he would without any kind of resistance. Bern had yet to resist -anything- he'd done. Was it because he was comfortable, still felt in control? Perhaps he did, and perhaps he didn't. Perhaps it was a sort of challenge to him. He hadn't resisted, and he'd even returned the other's affection. Was it because it felt alright to him? Did he even feel like he didn't have control in the middle of this? He looked happy enough, he had made it clear enough that he liked it, that he wanted it...
The truth of the matter was that Wess had so much control over Bern, he didn't even know it. And while Bern might have felt very uncomfortable about this, he didn't let on. He probably trusted him, trusted that he wouldn't use this power against him, or to hurt him. Perhaps he was putting himself into a compromising position, but he really trusted Wess. And in the midst of this deeply rooted affection, he hadn't thought once that someone who knew about their relationship might be able to use it against one of them. Still, the chances of that would be terribly slim now, what with the increased security Elias had put in place after the mess with Bern's previous Integrator.
Meanwhile, as Wess had all these feelings inspiring more and more creative energy, Bern was probably not having the same kind of positive effects. His strengths had always been in being able to focus on the serious and routine tasks, but he was actually finding himself having a lot more difficulty with things ever since this relationship had started. Even before then, he'd find Wess occupying his thoughts all too much, and it kept him from getting as much done as he usually did. That usually led to him drinking more coffee, because as it took him longer to do what he had to do, it meant he sometimes had to sacrifice more sleep than he liked. Or he needed the caffeine to try and get himself focused on what was important. So while Wess probably gained positive things from this, Bern's problem was more negative. Not that he necessarily saw it as bad, at least not now... But there had been frustrating moments when he realized how much it was impacting his studies, and it started making him angry. Right now, he didn't think he cared anymore. If it was being lost in the moment or caught up in hormones or what... he wasn't sure he cared. But he knew he wanted to do something for him. Anything. Lots of things, if he could. He thought about it all the time, but he was no romantic, not the way Wess was. He couldn't think of much that he was certain would please him. He figured that trying to return his affections was the most he really could count on, and that was so hard for him. And when he did it, it so often ended with him having to be uncomfortable as the other started working at unraveling his seams, causing him to fall apart in his arms. Perhaps Wess hadn't thought so much about how this might actually be hard for Bern to handle. And yet he'd been the one who started the relationship, in what he would probably call a moment of emotional weakness.
Meanwhile, Bern adored Wess. He adored every little thing about him, and he'd taken to observing him. While perhaps Wess didn't observe Bern in the same way Bern observed Wess, the other's desire to look at the one he loved was still out of fondness for him. There was some kind of pride he took in being allowed to be close to him, to touch him, to touch his hair and his face, to hold his hands... To kiss him, to be kissed in return. His own self-image would never match up to how Wess saw him, and he was aware of this. But did Wess know how much Bern worshipped him? Would he take pride in that, or would he feel unworthy? Bern would have guessed he would feel absolutely full of it, given how he responded to other things. But for him, well. If the other had adored him and looked up to him for his intelligence and wit, then he would have definitely been prideful. But as the situation stood, it wasn't really those kinds of things that Bern felt Wess responded to.
After the other pecked his lips, kissed him one last time, and settled in, Bern followed him into bed, unable to move too far from him by now. He was more drawn into this than he'd ever have been comfortable with in the past; he never trusted anyone like this, but everything had happened just so. When he had settled beside him, he set to listening. Well, this was a lot more of a romantic story than he would ever have to tell, and it gave him a certain feeling of warmth. He had this feeling that the things Wess had liked him for didn't include the merits he believed were important. But here he was saying that he was initially attracted to those things. And he'd been expecting to hear about his appearance... or something about that, he didn't know... He hadn't been able to expect anything, anyway, and he figured he'd ask it more specifically, later... Wait, there it was. He'd wanted to look at him. But... why? What was there to look at? Bern looked in the mirror, and he just saw a human being. One who cared enough about their appearance to not look like a total shitbag. He cared enough to make himself look as though he was intelligent and civilized, and little else.
"...I wonder what it was...." he murmured, bemusedly. "...that made you want to think about my feelings." He gently wrapped his fingers around the hand that had slipped into his, rolling over briefly onto his back. "...That made you want to make me happy. That made you want to ignore your own desires in favor of giving me what I desired." These questions might have seemed ridiculous to ask, like it wouldn't make any sense to ask about motivations that the other probably had no idea about. But Bern wanted to know. He wanted to know, if only because he didn't know if he had felt the same at all. And when the other asked him, he felt a twinge of fear. He couldn't provide a comparable story. But he would provide a true one.
"...It's not the same," he responded quietly, staying on his back where he was. "When I first met you, I was preoccupied with my own self-protection. I'd just flashed, and I had to explain myself. That meant doing so in any way possible." He took a deep breath. "My original intention was to manipulate you away from thinking there was anything wrong with what happened. It was a cover-up. And beyond that... it's not to say that I wasn't interested in a friendship with you. Even more than that. But I couldn't let you get close to me." And he regretted this, but it had been entirely important. It was how things were. "I really couldn't. And you know why. I know I must have sent you so many mixed messages. I got to where I couldn't stop thinking about you. But I had to keep pushing you away before it went too far. You saw me vulnerable more often than I ever would have liked, and I realized my mistakes over and over. I kept trying to pull away before you got hurt."
He hesitated, before moving on. "...But I suppose my original thought was that you... saw something in my appearance. Not that. What -did- you see? What was it you saw, when you looked at me?" It seemed that he still doubted that it was his intelligence that had drawn Wess in, or... that he could have been attracted by his appearance at all. Perhaps he didn't even know what it was he thought the other should have seen.
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