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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 22, 2014 0:06:43 GMT -8
Wess was a bit disappointed when the other left him, feeling suddenly a bit empty, but he stayed where he was. Bern probably had a reason... if the other indicated that he needed to move as well he would go, but he doubted the precise position in the room actually mattered much.
He nodded when Bern finished speaking, but he didn't immediately start to try... he was still thinking about the concept, about what that might entail. Preparing himself, really... He'd felt that feeling, sure, and he could figure out where it was, but pushing against it? It didn't seem to be the sort of thing he could push, it was so abstract... it really seemed like it was just a feeling, honestly.
Maybe that was how he should be thinking about it, then. He was good with how own feelings, with identifying them, where they came from, and with controlling them. Pushing them away, mostly... so if he could push those feelings away, he could do the same with this, right?
Still remaining silent, Wess shut his eyes, and focused again on finding that energy... it came more easily this time, and after a few moments, he managed to figure out the general direction it was coming from. He let out a breath, then, trying to focus a little more... and it took some minutes, but he got the distance. It was more of a wall, now... something he felt more capable of pushing against. He could sort of visualize it, too, a wall of light sort of like the one that had poured form Bern not too long ago... and he pushed against it like he would push against his own feelings, or rather, he tried to. But it wasn't doing anything, not really... so he tried switching tactics, tried visualizing himself pushing against that wall he'd made, pushing it towards Bern...
Which didn't work either. Growing frustrated now, his concentration broke, and the image and idea of where that energy was was lost. He rubbed at his eyes and let out another breath. Okay, he just had to be patient, he couldn't doubt himself... He couldn't doubt himself. He had to do this, and he could do it. Wess shut his eyes again, and spent the next few moments more carefully finding that energy. Except this time he didn't visualize it, but rather tried to feel it instead. Just like he had done the first time. And it took several more minutes, but he got it... it was there, and he could feel it... so he pushed against it again, willing it as Bern had mentioned and trying to feel it moving, feel it going towards Bern... It still wasn't moving so he tried for that visual element again, and...
It moved. Or at least he thought it did, which surprised him, and his concentration broke again. Okay, no, he could do this! He'd felt it, he could do this...
Another few minutes later, he had it again. He held it in his mind, held that visual image and that feeling, and he pushed against it as he had before. Except this time he was a little more careful, a little more gentle, and... there, there! It was moving, just a bit, just barely. But it was moving.
Satisfied, he let go of it all, and opened his eyes to look at Bern again. There was a smile on his face, a look in his eyes much like the look he'd had when he had made that first real step in quitting Tranquility. When he'd smashed the bottle under his foot. He was proud, and excited, and relieved, and he was looking at Bern as if he expected to see the same.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 22, 2014 15:33:29 GMT -8
While Bern waited for Wess, he kept himself somewhat aware of what the other was doing, sensing for any energy that came his way. He could sense it, too, of course. It was part of what he did, and more or less second nature, but his mind was drifting off to other things as well. Watching the other concentrate like that was kind of nice, really. With his eyes closed, focusing... He took the time to enjoy the features of the other's face, really looking at him, seeing who he was and what he was like. It was almost like he was a different person when he was concentrating so much; his features weren't as soft and cool as he was used to! Rather, that kind of intent and focus was kind of fascinating. If he hadn't known exactly what the other was focusing on, he would probably find himself wondering...
Clearly enough, he was trying hard. Bern could see the frustration surfacing as he continued on, and he somewhat wished he could extend something to him, to let him know that it really was okay if he failed here. He didn't have to be able to perform this specific task... He had hoped Wess could, though. He had really hoped, because if Wess could be an Integrator, they would be able to work together. Very closely, in fact. They'd probably be inseparable... and it would just add something to this experience that he never would have had otherwise.
In some ways, he just wanted to leave here right now and spend the rest of the day... just being with Wess. Getting to know him intimately, every detail that was him. And yet, he knew he was too damned shy for that. He knew it was unreasonable, that he shouldn’t feel that way, but he still did. There was a certain naivety and shyness to everything he did, concerning their relationship. It wasn’t the way he felt about anything else, which he somehow felt fit to approach with a certain fervor and, frequently, an over-inflated sense of self. Something about all this did exactly the opposite to him. It made him uncertain and self-deprecative to some extent, hesitant about any motion at all. He’d done a few things, and felt like he had to be doing them wrong the whole time. The feeling of being wrong for him was …just too much.
But then, he sensed a change in the energy, that he hadn’t expected. And his attention was seized by the other, and what he might have done. He wasn’t sure, though. He wasn’t sure if the other had disrupted it, not yet. Though the other did seem to have sensed the disruption himself, regardless of whether it was him or not. Anyway, he was going back to trying. Well, Bern couldn’t say he didn’t try, no, he was trying rather hard, and it impressed him.
But oh my god, he definitely felt a shift in it, a while later after the other concentrated again. His eyes widened a bit. This was happening; he did have the talent after all, didn’t he? And the fact that he could do it meant that he could learn to do it better! There was something extremely exciting about knowing this… and even as Wess opened his eyes and looked up at him again, Bern was meeting his eyes with a smile of his own, though it wasn’t the same kind of smile as Wess’s was. It was harder to determine the emotion behind it… Perhaps it was a mixture of things, of being proud of him, of being comforted, of being ecstatic, of just knowing that they could stay together, working together…
And, as though to interrupt their moment, Elias walked right back in just then. “So, how have you been doing?” he asked, then glanced back and forth between the two of them, trying to figure out what had been going on to cause such a strange moment between them.
“He’s already pushing,” Bern replied, looking back up to his commander, an amused smile crossing his lips. This caused the commander to raise his eyebrows in surprise. "Talented individual, you are... Congratulations."
Wait, so now they were saying that he was talented? So perhaps, pushing the energy like this was something that was much harder than they had made it out to be? Yes, it was rare to be able to, but perhaps... there were more steps to the test that he didn't know about. Perhaps the people capable of sensing a place for that energy went on to the next step, wherein they would try to push it... and perhaps, that was a place where it took a long time to show whether or not they could. But after half an hour of barely finding the location.... Wess didn't know it yet, but it was exceptionally fast. Among Integrators, he was rather quick to grasp his talent!
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 22, 2014 16:46:10 GMT -8
Wess had been enjoying the time together with Bern, even if it wasn't really that exciting, and he had to focus on other things. But still, even if his mind was elsewhere, he liked being there with Bern... he liked just being near him, and he liked that they were alone, too... it was so nice, just to have him close like that.
And the other's smile warmed him, when he raised his head to see it. Bern must have felt it, too, then... it wasn't exactly a lot, and it wasn't very dramatic, just... a nudge, barely there, but still detectable. But he'd done it, and Bern was smiling at him for it, looking... it was hard to tell, but there seemed to be pride there, an excitement of his own... something warm he couldn't quite identify, but it was definitely good. He was about to say something, but then Elias returned, and Wess was jerked from all of that.
Despite his earlier, more negative feeling he'd had about the Commander, the praise he gave Wess felt nice. He didn't think Elias had doubted him before, but he also didn't think he'd had any opinion at all, really. Which made sense; he didn't know Wess, didn't know what he was like, and even that couldn't give him any idea of what kind of abilities he had. The fact that Bern seemed to have thought he would be able to do it for a while now was sort of surprising to Wess, actually... and it kind of made him proud, too. It didn't make a lot of sense, but it was good to know that Bern had faith in him.
Wess stood, then, his posture much more confident than it had been before. He hadn't failed, and nothing bad was going to happen now, surely! He'd done what they wanted him to do, and he'd apparently done it well... or maybe Elias just mean that he had that talent he was talking about, and not that he was working well with it... Either way, he'd done it.
"Is that all you wish to test?" He asked, his smile still on his lips, though faded, despite the colder words. He hadn't quite warmed up to Elias... the way Bern had been acting around him before still unsettled him, and he was sure Elias was the cause of it. It would probably take a lot to get rid of that negative feeling, but Wess wasn't going to disrespect him for it, not... entirely. He knew how to act in this situation, and he knew he needed to respect Elias. His disrespect would just in the form of a more subtle coldness, as it was now. He might not even notice the difference until he heard him speak to Bern, assuming he hadn't already, through the surveillance cameras.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 22, 2014 19:46:43 GMT -8
Even though Wess clearly didn't get along with Elias that well, at least he was starting to feel like the other probably wasn't completely terrible... Though it might have unsettled him the way Bern became so quiet and subordinate, could he really blame it on Elias? Was it really Elias's fault that he acted this way, or would he just be that way with any superior? With his work in general? Did he act this way in his studies? Perhaps he did... and the Bern Wess saw was the Bern who was outside of those things, the Bern who didn't have to accommodate for responsibility, at least not in the same way. Anyway, Wess would be working with Elias a lot, so he'd learn more about him. Maybe he'd change his mind, maybe he wouldn't. Either way it was, he was going to be involved with this organization now, and in a big way. He was able to manipulate the energy as an Integrator.
"Yes, that is all I wish to test, since you have been successful. Bern was right about you. He doesn't have any reason to lie, here. I can trust him, and I can trust that triumphant look on your face." He smiled, seeming genuinely happy for the other, especially as he seemed to recall how the other had looked when he walked back in. He'd caught a glimpse of it through the door, before he'd entered. It was clear that he'd done as they'd said.
"I welcome you to come back with Bern on Monday for training. This is training you can do on your own, to some extent. I really recommend that you do, any free moment you get, try to practice with sensing and manipulating the energy around you. There will be others there on Mondays as well, so you will get to meet some of the other people who work with us. Not all of them, but I'll invite them all to come and get to know you." Perhaps that would make Wess a little uncomfortable, but he would surely realize he had to get to know the others, because they had to get along. "We have a Notist, too. You will probably know her. To be perfectly honest, I'm glad to have another Notist on our team; in case anything should happen to her, temporary or permanent." It wasn't that he was expecting anything, that was obvious, but moreso that he was relieved there was another Notist that could help them.
Elias nodded to them. "I'll leave you two to whatever you wish, then." He did seem awfully proud as he departed. Well, of course he would be. He had a new Integrator as part of the team. He was probably proud of Bern for finding him, and proud of Wess for being able to join them in this position. And Bern was just happy that everything really had gone well, despite him being pretty sure that they were both going to end up dead in the end. Even now, he considered that he still could have shot and killed Wess, and the mere thought made a fearful weakness spread through his body, that he had to shake off as he stood again, figuring that Wess was going to want to leave now. Bern was totally okay with that. There was a certain pressure to this environment, part of which made him act so differently, and he was glad to depart as well.
"...So, I guess I was right about you." He smirked a bit as stepped back toward Wess. "...You know... I'm surprised Elias didn't say anything about it, but you'll be my personal Integrator. You'll literally be working by my side..." He looked vaguely uncertain as he said this, though... Why would he be uncomfortable at a moment like this? Though Bern realized that he must have conveyed this, and went on speaking. "...I'm sorry. It's not that I'm upset with you. It's just... You remember when I had to flee to your house. That's because the one who went rogue was my Integrator. We think he may have been a spy. And it's very possible he went for me first because I'm one of the most skilled Liberators and he knew where to find me. Nobody else got hurt, though... I think Elias got everyone to safety, and took care of him... I almost didn't make it, though... If I hadn't managed to stun him long enough to stab him in a more vital place than he did me, I'd probably be dead now." He sighed, not really wanting to bring all those memories back. "I think you can understand why I was so cold and angry. I didn't really feel like I could trust anyone much."
Good god, now his actions had to make sense! Wess probably felt embarrassed for trying to see his back. No wonder the other had reacted so violently, practically attacking him in preparation to kill him when he'd woken up... For all Wess had known, he'd been dreaming about the other attacking him too... that was something that he'd known could have happened at that time, but maybe he hadn't expected it was the case. Wess hadn't seen Bern washing his butterfly clean of his own Integrator's blood that same day. The struggle alone, Bern's own wound had been enough reason for Wess to worry, though. It was just a thankful thing that he had managed to get to him in the first place. He could have died that day, and Wess might have not known until later, or not at all. He might have just thought that Bern had simply disappeared... maybe, that he'd grown tired of him... But that didn't matter, because they were both here now. They were going to be a part of this together.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 23, 2014 0:47:37 GMT -8
Was that it? Wess was an Integrator, then, could come in later with Bern to meet other people here, and... that was sort of a strange idea. Or rather, that was a normal idea, and ti didn't quite feel like it belonged here, in this place so full tot he brim with strange things. Not that he was protesting; some normality would be nice. It would probably calm him, really.
Wess looked a bit confused when the other seemed so uncertain about him working by his side, then hurt. Didn't he trust Wess? or did he not want to deal with a brand new Integrator, or... something else? Wess was excited by the idea of working with Bern, really... he thought it would be easier for him, to trust him, and it would be so nice to have that much more time with him, and to be able to be there in case something went wrong. Though, he didn't doubt that he might worry for Bern's safety more than anything, until he grew more confident in his abilities.
What he said next relaxed Wess at first, and then he grew... sort of angry. Protective, like he just wanted to wrap himself around Bern and protect him from those things because god were they fucked up. Even if no one else had been hurt, Bern had... Wess had stitched him up himself, he'd seen how terrible he looked after all of that, and he'd housed him in the days after. It had been awful for Bern, he knew that, and... he didn't want him to go through it again, didn't want him to have gone through it in the first place.
Maybe it had been good, though... just a little. Just in the sense that it had brought them to this, where Bern was okay with loving him, and with Wess loving him back. But he didn't like that he'd been injured, he didn't like that Bern had felt so much distrust, like he wasn't safe... it wasn't fair, wasn't right.
And he could have been killed... he really could have, couldn't he? A tiny slip, a... just a lack of that tip he'd gotten, and Bern could have died. Would have died. That idea was absolutely terrifying... He could have lost Bern, lost time with him, could have had him... gone, permanently, forever. Wess wouldn't even have known for a long time, he wouldn't have found out, it... it almost made him dizzy.
He moved closer to the other as well, and took his hands without really thinking about it. He just wanted to provide comfort, and safety from all that Bern had gone through. He wanted to be there, to protect him, and he also wanted the assurance that Bern was okay, and that he was still right there.
"You can trust me." He assured the other, looking seriously into his eyes. His anger was gone, leaving that protectiveness and care and just a bit of fear that was overwhelming the rest of what he had felt. "Please remember that." His grip on Bern's hands was tight, but not painful. More like he wanted to make sure Bern was there, and like he wanted to make sure he knew Wess was, too.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 23, 2014 10:53:53 GMT -8
Well, it sure seemed like Wess was going to be joining them as an Integrator now, assuming he could continue to keep up with training, of course... though he probably felt a certain sense of relief and a certain sense of nervousness. Getting the position hadn't exactly been something that settled his mind after all. But now it came with the responsibility of having to do all that stuff. He'd have to cause Bern to release those massive amounts of energy like he'd seen him just do. Perhaps he was still a bit shaken up by seeing that. It was more energy than someone should ever be exposed to, for sure. But he had to have some kind of protection built into that rune, he had to... There was no way he'd be able to handle it otherwise. It had looked totally dangerous. In fact, Wess had probably been very glad that he'd been at a great distance from Bern when that had happened. Though he'd also put distance between them, probably on purpose, because he knew that if any stray energy came his way, Wess wasn't going to be able to do anything about it.
It didn't seem like the case was a lack of trust in Wess, though it could be interpreted as such... and Bern knew that. That was why he hadn't wasted any time in explaining. He hadn't really wanted to explain this fully, because it still hurt him. But it probably made Wess feel better to know why the other was so hesitant to relax after having a new Integrator appointed for him, even when it was someone he cared about, trusted, and all that... It just brought back some nasty memories of the past, of his own integrator going totally nuts and attacking him. That was negative in so many ways. All besides the possibility of him getting killed or even worse happening to the organization besides the loss of one member, the trust issue was of utmost importance, too. Not having trust in an Integrator, when one was a Liberator, could be very dangerous. Part of the reason Bern would have been happy to have Wess in that position was because Integrators and Liberators were very close. They worked together, they trained together. Elias had been worried about Bern after he lost his Integrator, which was the reason why he had personally been serving as his, despite being the commander of their small division of forces. He knew that Bern needed to build up that trust relationship as quickly as possible with whoever he was assigned next. And honestly, Elias had been hoping that Bern was right about Wess, too, because it would mean that he could have an Integrator that he knew, that he trusted. Bern had told him about how he'd gone to Wess's place off campus until everything blew over. Elias even knew about the Glass Thoughts, to some extent, not that Bern had gone and told him what it was that he was addicted to or any details, but that he had gotten him through a powerful addiction. So he knew a little about Wess. If nothing else, he knew that they were very close. And thanks to his insight yesterday, he had an idea of just how close. It settled his mind, knowing that Wess did have the talent Bern suspected. Perhaps Liberators really were better at finding and recognizing Integrators than other Integrators were.
Well, now they could head back, right? But before they could go, it seemed that Wess wasn't going to be willing to let Bern leave just yet. When he seized the other, looking into his eyes, his gaze full of seriousness, a desire for protection supplemented by something Bern couldn't place, he was honestly a bit taken aback. He hadn't expected this kind of response to all that had gone on... But his own features softened, and he focused for a few seconds on how tightly Wess gripped his hands, unafraid to show him that he really would be there for him. "I can... and do, trust you," Bern replied, his own look possibly not as serious, but the words were spoken just as meaningfully. "And in these roles, we have to. We really are going to be protecting one another. So when you ask something of me, I will provide it to you to the best of my ability, and I will never demand an explanation. And I expect the same of you." It seemed like it might go the other way around... with Bern demanding things from Wess more, but he wanted to make sure this was clear. At least in what they were doing here, they would need to have that kind of ultimate trust in each other. It was uncomfortable to Bern, being betrayed by someone he'd been working with like Serath, someone he had put his trust in, like that. But he couldn't see this happening with Wess, ever. The two of them had a greater bond, so much of a greater bond. They had seen each other at their most vulnerable, and they had chosen to help, not to run, not to leave them to their own devices. There was so much more of a connection between them. They might not even realize the depth of it.
"...We can leave now..." Bern murmured. Wess was probably ready to get out of this stuffy environment and spend some time with Bern, while they still had some of the weekend to do it.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 23, 2014 13:10:32 GMT -8
Wess nodded at the first of Bern's words, a smile softening his own expression. It was good to hear that Bern trusted him, though he knew there was already a lot of trust between the two of them. But... regardless, confirmation was always comforting. And he wanted Bern to know, too, that Wess was going to be there for him. He was always going to be there for him... He was no spy, and him and Bern had a much deeper connection than Wess had ever had with anyone, a more intense and intimate relationship, and so much trust... they'd gone through a lot together, they had never turned away from each other, and Wess doubted they ever would. It would probably be good for Bern, too, to have someone he already trusted in a position where he'd had trouble with trust in the past.
"Of course." He replied, after the other had mentioned him needing to trust Bern without question, and without faltering or needing an explanation. He could do that... he could trust him.
Wess nodded again, his smile widening a bit when Bern mentioned leaving. He definitely wanted to get away from here, now... to spend some time again with just Bern, alone, able to be affectionate again and... kiss him, hold him, have him so close without anything more to worry about... he leaned forward and kissed the other once before letting go of his right hand, content instead to walk out with him holding one. If Bern was still not entirely comfortable with showing affection here, though, and let him know, Wess would let go and just walk beside him. He'd get to have his fill of this in just a bit, he could wait a little longer...
And while he thought of it, thought of being able to do what he wanted with Bern again (assuming the other had no more responsibilities that day), he wondered if maybe they could do... something different. He didn't know about money right now, about being able to pay for anything, and it was growing colder yet outside, but... maybe they could do something a little special. There were parks around, and it was later in the day, now... plus, the day was fairly sunny, and that would warm things up a lot... Perhaps, if he asked for some blankets and food from the Tavern...
When he and Bern had left the building, Wess insisted on taking his hand again, and lead him on to the Tavern. But when they got there, instead of taking him up to his room to sit and talk again, he asked the one of the waiters if he had some spare blankets about. When they returned with a stack of five, Wess took them, and told him that they'd also need a basket of food... He hadn't explained anything to Bern yet, but he'd probably start to see what Wess was doing at this point.
When he'd gotten the things he wanted, Wess took Bern outside again, and this time lead him on to a small nearby park. No one was there, since it was much later in the day and Winter was almost upon them, but Wess took Bern into a more secluded area anyways. The whole thing was just a couple of little grassy hills and some trees, which cut them off from the rest of the town and it's lights, so he found a place at the top of one and set his things down there, then spread a blanket out on top of the grass one a more gentle slope down, then unfolded the rest and set the basket down in the middle. He took Bern's hand again, then, and sat with him on the blanket facing the sun, before spreading a couple of the ones he'd unfolded over their shoulders. A strange picnic, but it was quiet and peaceful there, and the cold gave them reason to sit closer together under the warm blankets.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 23, 2014 16:26:23 GMT -8
Bern was feeling more relaxed as they departed, too. It was comforting knowing that he would have Wess beside him as an Integrator now, and he didn't have to be concerned about whoever Elias ended up assigning to him. Though he'd had a feeling that the commander was planning on holding off on that, because he knew a lot about him. He knew the kind of stuff Bern went through, and what he had just gone through. He knew that he'd had to run from his own Integrator to avoid being murdered, because he'd been the one who tracked the defective bastard down and killed him as soon as he left any indication that he was going to do something crazy. Elias's quick thinking had almost certainly saved Bern's life... and that was why he was a commander. Meanwhile, having Wess as an Integrator was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time where his work was concerned. Sure, he would have lived if it was anyone else. Who wouldn't? But that extra measure of security was something truly wonderful that he didn't ever want to let go of.
But there was something to keep in mind about this that perhaps Wess had not considered. If this was something that had happened in the first place - that someone that was part of this operation had gone completely nuts for some reason, and tried to kill Bern?... Did that mean he had been a spy? Had he really just gone crazy? Was that something that happened? What really had happened; would Bern even know? What it seemed to mean, though, was that a spy had somehow gotten into the organization, possibly by chance, possibly by impersonation... Either way, it was kind of frightening, knowing that there were some people who were trying to stop them. Though perhaps the fact that this had happened at all required them to tighten security even more than they already had, because it could mean that someone could come after them again, or worse still... that the act of aggression they were preparing for wasn't far off. That might mean that there was really no leisure time for Wess here. He had to learn this as quickly as possible, or he would be in some serious trouble... Was that the case? Perhaps, if it came to mind, he'd have to discuss it with Bern...
It was definitely time for them to go now. There was no reason for them to stay since they'd been dismissed, and Bern unfortunately hadn't been able to train for a while, but that was okay... He genuinely didn't care, because things had just been different lately. He'd be training Wess, most likely, for a while now. It might mean he didn't get as much experience with his own training, but he had a feeling that Elias would probably just not bother with having him catch up. The reasoning behind that being that he was already very good at what he did; he was probably ahead of the others as it was, and it was more important to get Wess to a point where he could properly work as his Integrator. It would take a long time to get him there, though, and in that time Bern might have to train separately to keep his abilities up to standard. Though that probably wouldn't bother Wess at all; Bern did need to practice what he was doing, too.
Wess wasn't the only one thinking about them having the opportunity to spend more time together... to kiss each other, and hold each other, to just spend some time being close. Honestly, Bern looked forward to it. Even if Wess started messing with the back of his neck like that. He hadn't even known he was that kind of sensitive there, or at least hadn't consciously thought about it, until the other had done that in the first place. It was such a weird feeling that kind of made him feel like there was some kind of sound welling up within him. But squealing or shouting or something like that would be one of the most embarrassing things he could possibly imagine doing, even in front of Wess... So he was just going to have to continue to endure whenever he did that, and maybe make some uncomfortable noises if he had to... Still, it was kind of a feeling that he didn't entirely hate, so he didn't know if he wanted him to avoid doing that or not...
Upon returning to the tavern, he was kind of confused when the other requested blankets; what was that about? Didn't he have some blankets? And what did he need them for? But when he asked for the basket of food, it all came together. Why was he doing this? He must have been having some kind of moment when he felt like doing something special... though Bern frowned a bit, nudging him. "...You didn't tell me you were feeding me today..." He didn't mind it, but he also didn't want the other to end up spending money on him. He knew Wess worked hard for his money and honestly, he didn't want to feel like he was making him use it up or something. And he had hardly done anything for him that was equivalent, anyway. Perhaps what he'd been thinking about would have to come to pass.
Before long they were sitting in the park, with blankets wrapped around them, and Bern was actually beginning to feel rather comfortable about this. It was cold, honestly. The coldest picnic ever, he mused. But he didn't think he cared. There was something really nice about it. So, as they curled up together under the blankets, Bern leaned himself up against Wess's shoulder, briefly watching his breath as it became visible in the cool air before leaning his cheek up against his shoulder and getting a different view of the sky.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 23, 2014 18:04:21 GMT -8
Wess honestly didn't mind spending money on Bern. He'd done it before, and... well, it wasn't like it was a lot, just an extra half an hour playing every now and then. And while playing took a lot of energy, it was also relaxing, and the nights he did play, he usually ended up sleeping a lot easier. It eased his mind, and it took any extra energy out of him. Doing it for a little while longer was no trouble... and if Bern talked to him about it, he would say the same thing. It wasn't a problem.
He only smiled and shrugged at Bern when the other nudged at him, trying to let him know that it was no trouble, and that he didn't mind. He wanted to do this... and it wasn't exactly much. They'd probably just fill it up with whatever bread, meat, cheese and fruit were left over from the night before and still good. Backup leftovers they hadn't yet thrown out. He sort of doubted they'd even charge him for it.
He was glad that Bern seemed relaxed about the little picnic when they got there, and he wrapped an arm around him to pull him closer. His own head rested again Bern's for a moment, and then he kissed it and lifted his own back up again while he pulled the basket of food closer. He hadn't eaten since breakfast, and even then he'd barely had anything... his thoughts had been on Bern, and the idea of eating hadn't really seemed important. He just hadn't been hungry... until now.
He pulled out a quarter of a loaf of bread and split that in two, offering the other half to Bern while he bit off a piece from his own. If Bern refused it he'd put it back into the basket, but his attention was on the sky, now, briefly... the sun would begin to set soon, he thought. Maybe another hour or two until it began to darken... and they would have a pretty decent view, where they sat.
Yes, it was a cold picnic, but that just meant they'd have more of a reason to curl up here together, under all of these blankets. They had enough to make sure they would stay warm, even when the sun left them entirely, and they could see the stars... that would be so nice.... Cliche, sure, but did it matter? It didn't make any of it less wonderful. It didn't make having Bern there next to him, a comforting warmth at his side, any less incredible. And it certainly didn't make sharing an evening with him like this any less amazing.
Maybe there were a lot of things to think about right now, but Wess didn't care about any of them. He didn't want to think about why Bern's Integrator had turned on him, or his own chances of going crazy here, or the danger he might be in, or what the training process would be like, what he would be doing, what the organization was doing... it didn't matter right now. In this particular moment, all he cared to do was sit there with Bern and enjoy the evening, cold as it was. The coming sunset, the stars that would arrive after, the incredible presence of Bern, the things that fluttered and glowed in his chest with a fantastic warmth... that was what mattered. That was all that needed to matter.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 24, 2014 0:17:17 GMT -8
The warmth underneath the blanket was really pleasant to Bern. He didn't really think he could fall asleep out here in the cold, but it was tempting what with how comfortable and warm it was there beside Wess. He briefly contemplated a few things. One of them being trying to get Wess to stay with him the night. Or stay with him... No, he really didn't want to bring that up. It was an awfully intimate request even when he didn't necessarily want to request it for an intimate reason. He would keep that to himself for now. Though some of the things he thought about, he admitted, he almost didn't want to. It was strange to him how he could feel so positive with him, and yet he felt like it almost made him have a more negative impression of himself. The more and more perfection he saw in Wess, the less and less he saw in himself. His insecurities were coming to the surface and it terrified him, but he knew somehow that he needed to face them anyway. But he wasn't sure it would ever be different. Every time he looked into his eyes, he saw some kind of perfection that was just... beyond him somehow. And sometimes he wondered why Wess only had eyes for him. He couldn't be seeing the same things, he just couldn't.
As the other wrapped his arm around him, resting their heads together for just a moment, Bern took the time to think about how he could almost feel Wess's hair through his own, and that was about all the time he had to think before he'd pulled away and kissed the top of his head. Wasn't that awkward, to kiss someone's hair like that? Well, he hadn't tried yet. Maybe sometime. Though his hesitance to show the other affection wasn't fading anytime soon.
Now that Wess pulled some bread out of the basket and offered him a piece, he gratefully accepted it, too. He hadn't eaten anything that morning at all. Bern usually skipped breakfast, a habit that Wess would probably start trying to alter if he found out about it. Yes, he did sometimes have a bit of a habit of starving himself, especially in the mornings. He sometimes didn't eat until the evening, if he even remembered to at all. Perhaps it was why he was so thin in some spots. At least when he was with Wess, the other made him eat. And maybe over time he'd get him to gain a little weight.
Bern was thinking about the sunset, too... how many hours of daylight they would have left. And he considered that he hadn't really taken a lot of time to look at the stars. He hoped he wouldn't get too cold before then... He did get cold rather easily, probably partially because of his tendency to avoid eating. It didn't allow him to gain any weight to insulate him. It was the kind of thing that Wess probably noticed every so often when he wrapped his arms around Bern's waist or his shoulders, feeling the bones distinctly through his frame. Smoking probably hadn't helped, either, as it tended to suppress appetite. One would think that when he quit he would just gain a bunch of weight, but clearly enough, that hadn't happened. And maybe it was better; it was part of who he was. Not that it would hurt him to get a little encouragement from Wess to put a few pounds on, either.
Those questions that Wess could have been thinking on would probably be answered someday, soon... so perhaps any thought wouldn't really matter. Worry wasn't something they needed right now. Everything -was- better, right? Bern didn't think he had any unsettled feelings about Wess being his Integrator. Rather the opposite. It settled him, relaxed him, made him feel like he didn't have to fear his position. That had been the issue for a good amount of time. No amount of training could prepare you for someone you trust completely turning on you and trying to kill you. Even for someone as mentally strong as Bern, who had been displaying a hell of a lot of weakness lately, much of which he could probably attribute to Wess, not that it was his fault... just that Wess was so good at revealing the inner feelings he had, the things he usually tried to hide. That facade of arrogance he'd displayed when they'd first met, that was something Wess hadn't seen in weeks. Not even when Bern was around others, with him. He probably couldn't help but wonder if something was breaking him down. Maybe the "weakness" of character he thought he saw while Elias was around was something new? No, surely the commander would have noticed; it seemed that he knew Bern very well considering what Wess knew about him at least... the past that Bern had briefly mentioned. If he was acting strange, Elias would know it right away.
Anyway, as the two of them sat comfortably under the blankets, Bern nibbled at the bread slowly, not entirely sure just what was going on in his mind. It was a mixture of emotions for sure, and all of them pretty pleasant, but it seemed they were still things he was just getting used to.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 24, 2014 8:03:37 GMT -8
Wess ate silently with Bern for a while, and he was content with that, though the other's silence wasn't entirely normal... maybe he was tired, or just content with sitting quietly, as Wess was. And it wasn't uncomfortable, really... not at all. Bern was warm, and the food wasn't bad, if simple, and the blankets brought a kind of warm intimacy Wess wasn't used to, but definitely found pleasant. There was a certain safety to huddling with the other against the cold, a very simple sense of them against some strange force that was entirely different from how he'd held Bern last night, when it was him against whatever was chewing at the other, and both of them against a death that seemed far too real.
When they'd finished eating Wess put the basket to the side and grabbed a third blanket, letting go of Bern to spread that over them as well. It was heavy, but that heaviness was nice, adding to that element of warm safety. And when Wess decided it was situated well enough, he slipped his arm back around Bern and turned a little so he was sort of facing him, then pulled him closer with the second arm. He wanted to be close, so close... maybe the other found it awkward, but Wess wanted every scrap of intimacy he could get at that moment, and if he exhausted the cold as an excuse, he would settle to use the separation from Bern the test had been, or the night...
Alright, so maybe he had thought about staying the night with Bern, too. But... he'd only just gotten Bern to himself. He had sort of... craved it, the night before. He'd wanted to be close to the other for as long as possible, really, and he still did. He loved moments like these, adored them. And he would have no problem sharing a night with Bern, just... sleeping. He didn't need anything more. He wasn't even sure he wanted anything more, for... a few reasons. One of them being that he didn't want to make Bern uncomfortable, and he was sure that would. Well... okay, he sort of did, but in smaller ways. Ways that encouraged him to accept all of this as something that as okay, something he could allow himself to enjoy.
When he pulled the other closer he did feel his boniness, as he had a few times before. Well... some people were like that even at a healthy weight, but given the habits he had already noticed around Bern's taking care of himself, he doubted that wasn't part of those. He would just have to encourage him to eat a little more often, a little better... not really a problem, he thought.
After a little while, Wess used the hand around Bern's back to brush his ponytail to the side as he had before, and moved again to sit with his shoulders halfway behind Bern's. Still silent, he leaned down a bit and kissed at his jaw again, then behind his ear, then, carefully, at the back of his neck... just once, before he went back to the other's jaw and the side of his neck. The arm that was around his front moved around to rest in the closer of Bern's arms instead, and the other stayed rested in his hair. After a while he would move back the back of Bern's neck, briefly, before leaving it again, and repeating this a few times... As always he would stop, if the other let him know he wanted Wess to stop, but he was being more careful this time.
Honestly, Wess was surprised any of this had happened at all. He wasn't the type to make friends, surrounding himself with a kind of moat in his haughty assumptions that very, very few were actually his equal. So the fact that Bern had found one in him was sort of shocking, and the fact that it had even evolved into love... actual love, that was what it was... it didn't really seem real. And god, Bern was perfect. He was perfect, even in his flaws, and Wess found it so incredibly easy to be around him, to be near him like this... not like he'd felt with anyone else. Even his mother made things just the slightest bit awkward, with her lack of knowledge on how to handle Wess's gender identity. But Bern... Bern was so comfortable, and warm, and he made things stir in Wess in a new and wonderful way, and he was perfect. And if he brought to light his insecurities, Wess wouldn't hesitate to tell him those things. He wanted him to be happy, and safe, and... and everything he wanted. He wanted to curl around the other and keep him safe somewhere, to be with him, to make sure no one and nothing could hurt him... maybe it had gotten them both into a bad situation before, and he definitely regretted that, but at the same time it had also brought him all of this. He didn't want to stop Bern from doing the things he wanted to do, but rather he just... wanted to make sure he was alright.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 24, 2014 14:57:24 GMT -8
Bern had already made it obvious that he was tired back at the Reliquary — that was what it was unofficially called — so it was very possible that his silence was just due to being tired. Or maybe he was just taking a few moments to rest with Wess there and enjoy his presence. The way he lay his head on his shoulder could have meant any of those things. He still rested it there now, his cheek pressing against the front of his shoulder until the other shifted, not quite warm enough to penetrate his coat. Bern rather liked being pulled close to Wess like that. Sure, he'd get closer on his own... sometimes. But it was usually Wess who had to initiate any kind of contact between them; the other's insecurities were clear in the way he didn't ever seem to feel comfortable initiating action... though Wess probably didn't care being the one who did that. He probably wanted to all the time anyway. Bern knew he felt that way an awful lot. There was just something that attracted him to Wess in a way that felt almost unhealthy, and he couldn't deny it. If he could find enough reasons to abhor that feeling, he might, out of fear that something could go horribly wrong because of it. But maybe he really wasn't that smart, or something. What he did know was that he cared so deeply about the other he lost track of himself. And losing track of himself was something that was just entirely unlike Bern.
He had to admit that he was pretty damn self-focused. He could care less about others most of the time; the only people he'd really trusted before meeting Wess were Elias and some of the others who worked with him. In his own mind, everything basically revolved around him, to what one could consider an unhealthy degree. Yes, it paralleled the way he felt about Wess. It wasn't that he'd stopped caring about himself, or something. But the whole situation was just... different to him now. It wasn't just about his life, his safety, his security, his job... It was about Wess, too. It was about both of them. It was probably a good thing that he'd agreed to help the other break his addiction. For a while he had thought that was the end of their relationship, even though it had just been a vague friendship at that point. They'd gotten together several times to talk. And while they did so for hours, it wasn't to say that they had a super close friendship at the time that he'd had to deal with Wess's addiction, but he had been willing to come see him play at the tavern on his own. And that was when things had gone downhill. It was certainly by fate that they were together now.
Bern took a rather long time to eat, seeming to do so rather thoughtfully. He didn't know why there was so much on his mind; there didn't need to be. When Wess shifted their position to hold him differently, he gladly shifted a little himself to accommodate him. He didn't mind the position at all, though he did feel the other brush his ponytail aside and had a feeling about what might be happening soon. That didn't really keep him from reacting, though... The soft kisses on his jaw and ear didn't bother him, but then he moved to the back of his neck, and Wess would feel a little shiver... Then when he repeated the action, every time, he'd feel another faint shiver. Bern never indicated that he wanted him to stop, but the shivering didn't cease; he didn't seem to get entirely used to it.
Bern certainly wished he could say that he had grasped the concept that he was in love with Wess. But he really hadn't. He knew it was the case, that this was what it had to be. Only love could have tortured him that much, over all that time... He'd started really feeling like his feelings weren't the same when he was treating him for the addiction. But things had gotten really out of hand after he started recovering, and he started seeing more and more of the real Wess again. He'd even put a lot of distance between them after the other went back to his home, able to take care of himself again. And that hadn't helped things, to be honest. He'd thought that they would stabilize, become more normal, but things had really just fallen apart more, because he'd gotten to where he felt like he needed to be closer to him. He was thinking about him all the time, and it was weird. And the feelings in his mind kept circulating, until he had been sure that this had to be love! He couldn't determine it to be anything else! And that was why he'd just broken down when Wess had followed him... because he'd honestly just realized that this had to be love he was feeling, and the thought of shooting someone that he'd actually come to love just wasn't going to settle with him in the least. And all those emotions had caused him to admit his feelings, probably taking Wess by surprise more than the other would have thought.
As the other finally slowed and stopped kissing his neck, he tilted his head up. "Wess, I'm... sorry. About you being involved in all this. It wasn't what I would have actually... wanted for you. I know you have a life that isn't particularly accommodating for this. I know... you have so much of a future ahead of you. And I'm still a bit worried about this. It's not that... I think anything is going to go wrong. But I regret it, anyway. Getting you involved. I know it wasn't avoidable. But I still feel... " He shook his head, not sure how to go on. He was just having all these uncomfortable feelings about how -he- was changing Wess's future in a terrible way, even though it was to save his life.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 24, 2014 17:13:09 GMT -8
He'd noticed how long Bern took to eat, but hadn't really thought much of it. Maybe he just wasn't hungry, or it had to do with his silence... perhaps he was still tired, or thinking, or... Wess wasn't sure. But he seemed better, now, things seemed... okay. Like everything was going to work out. And he hoped they would, he didn't want to keep up with all of this shit, having just one bad thing after the next. He wanted to rest, now. He wanted peace, and quiet, and Bern. Just that. Just some time to enjoy the other, some mildness so that he could be with him and not have to worry about anything anymore. Well, okay, he'd have to worry about the small things, the tavern and school and now, he guessed, the secret government operation beneath it, but those, he could handle. He could get through that. He didn't know how well he was going to take another big god damned complicated situation thrown at him, at least not for a while.
The shivering was cute, Wess had decided, and he liked it... he liked kissing the back of his neck. Bern didn't seem to actually want to make him stop, and it was kind of a quiet tease, or... well, okay, really he just thought it was cute. Maybe he'd only discovered it recently, but it was one of the many things he'd decided he really, really liked about Bern. And maybe that was what it was all supposed to be about. His books were always so dramatic, and that was what love had seemed like to him, but... it wasn't about some irresistible force drawing one attractive person to another attractive person, some incredible, indescribable emotion that could move mountains, shield the vulnerable, win vast, destructive battles. It was... the little things. The sensitivity at the back of Bern's neck, the softness of hair hair, the way he dressed for comfort, and the embarrassed hesitation in his affections. Wess didn't need him to be as beautiful as Buttercup or as cunning and strong as Wesley, he just wanted... Bern.
And he was so happy to have him, too. This was the first time it felt like they really had as much time as they wanted, and it was so lovely... He could sit here with Bern for as long as they wanted to sit here, for hours, just... talk, and be close to one another. And he didn't mind Bern's hesitation to show affection, either; he was happy to take the lead, and he was happy as well to receive whatever Bern was really willing to give him. As long as the other wasn't uncomfortable with what Wess was doing, or at least not enough to say anything, it was... fine. Wonderful. His wishes here were incredibly simple.
He frowned, though, when Bern started talking about all that had happened as if... as if it was his fault. And he shifted again to face him a little more, his expression growing serious again. Did Bern really think that? Did he honestly think he had made Wess follow him doown, that any of this could possibly be...?
"No... no, no, it is okay." He actually looked sort of worried, and the hand in his hair moved down to pick up Bern's hand again. "You did nothing. I chose to follow you, and I chose not to trust you despite your warnings. It was my fault, Bern, you cannot possibly believe... and I will be fine, too. I have only myself and my mother to worry about, and... I have never had any plans, not truly. There has never been much of a future laid out for me, nothing for this to mess up. I attend my classes, I play at the tavern a few nights a week, and that is my life. I will fit into this just fine, I will be fine. And even if I was not, you did nothing to cause it." He leaned forward and kissed him again, his voice lowering to reassuring murmur. "It is okay. I am going to live now, and so are you. We will be fine, both of us. Absolutely fine. You have no reason to worry, or feel bad about this. Alright?"
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 24, 2014 22:20:20 GMT -8
Bern, too, was starting to feel like he didn't want a whole lot out of life. Well, it wasn't to say that he didn't already feel that way, given his previous situation. He hadn't expected much out of his life, and that was part of the reason he'd dedicated it to learning as much as he possibly could about everything. And when he'd been "adopted" at such an age as he had, it had been a change that rocked his whole world. He had been given the opportunity to come here, to give himself a real opportunity at having a steady job and taking care of himself. He hadn't talked much about his past, but it hadn't necessarily been pretty. It wasn't that he didn't want Wess to know about it, though... to some extent, he didn't. Sure, it would enlighten him to how he became the Bern he was today. The way he'd acted toward Wess had changed rather steadily since he'd met him. They'd almost started their relationship out tossing evidence of their intelligence back and forth in some form of banter wherein they tried to be the smarter of the two, while being simultaneously intrigued by the insights the other had to offer. It was kind of weird how much that had changed. They didn't really talk about stuff the way they used to, and perhaps they missed it. It was a totally different relationship they'd had for the last month or more. Perhaps, when this love thing wasn't so new, they'd be able to bring that back, to be friends and love at the same time.
By now Bern was getting a little used to the other always going for the back of his neck, though he did consciously realize when the other was doing it, and the little shivers still persisted and probably always would. Unless there really was a way to get used to it... One part of Bern's mind told him that Wess was probably going to keep kissing and touching him there, because he probably liked the reaction. So perhaps he shouldn't -want- to not be sensitive. Oh gosh, he didn't know what to think. It probably didn't matter. As long as the other wasn't making him shiver, he could think more properly, though... Still, the thought lingered in the back of his mind that the other was probably going to end up using this against him at some point. ...Oh well.
Perhaps he had a bit of a skewed interpretation of the situation after all. They'd already talked about this, they'd already addressed this issue. But clearly it was still in Bern's head, somehow, that this was all his fault. That he really had dragged Wess into this, perhaps by mentioned to Elias in the first place that he might have the ability to be an Integrator. Perhaps just imagining this unsettled him in some ways he wasn't comfortable. Feeling responsible was something that had clearly persisted, and it was probably plenty unhealthy for him to think it was all his fault. He couldn't have possibly been able to prove that it was only his fault, because Wess had control over his own actions. Bern had been awfully careful about warning him not to follow... So now he was involved in all this. And maybe he was just having second thoughts about the decision he made. Granted, it had been that decision, or what would have probably ended up being death on Wess's part. "I... I know we've talked about this. But the fact still remains that I feel responsible for changing your future, and it might not necessarily be in a good way..." So, Bern was just worried about him? Worried about how he might feel about all this, perhaps? Maybe he was just unsure that Wess was okay with what had happened. But as the other kissed him and tried to calm him, Bern seemed to relax a bit more. "I didn't want you to be unhappy. I... really look forward to spending time with you. There, I mean. But... I didn't want you to be unhappy, either. I get the feeling that you don't like Elias." He had noticed the way the other spoke to Elias with that hint of coldness. Elias might not know it yet, but Bern sure did catch on. "...Listen. He's really not bad. He gave me a new life, and he's supported me for a long time."
After saying that much, he settled back against Wess again. He'd never thought much about it, but Wess had a scent all his own. A very unique one, one that he could pick out from anything. And he was definitely starting to get used to it. Maybe that was why he relaxed so easily around him... The combination of senses of being around him must have settled him very well, Anyway, as he now consciously thought about the other's scent, he was thinking about how much he loved it. From this position he couldn't very well bury his face in his hair or something so he could get the most of it, but it didn't matter; there would be time for that later. Maybe if they ended up spending the night together or something... Now that they could trust each other to sleep in the same bed. Though the thought of sleeping together did evoke other things, things that Bern didn't think much of, because he didn't know what to think for the most part. He couldn't say he knew anything about that kind of intimacy, either.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 25, 2014 9:08:35 GMT -8
Wess wrapped his arms around Bern and pulled him closer again when he leaned back against him, happy to have him close. And clearly he wasn't altogether well... at least, he wasn't feeling like everything was alright, and Wess wanted to provide some comfort. He hadn't know he was still feeling this way... Like he could have somehow dragged Wess into this kicking and screaming, and he had, and... no, it wasn't right. Wess had done this all to himself, there were a million different times he would have been able to stop it all. He just... didn't. And sure, he'd felt bad about it. Awful, because until Elias had told him he was going to be able to work there, he had been sure that one more mess-up was going to kill them both. Bern was just less likely, and that was most of what had kept him so calm about it all. It was most likely his own life, more than anything else, that was really on the line.
But the fact remained that he was convinced he was responsible for himself, and he had plenty of reason to think that. Bern hadn't made him do anything, and... alright, Wess's life was changing now in a huge, terrifying way, but he was going to be okay. It was better than dying, still better, and he was going to get to be with Bern, too! Bern had no reason to feel responsible for any of this, and he didn't want him to.
Wess shifted his grip so that his arms were around Bern's waist, and a little more comfortable, and rest his his on his shoulder. "I will not be unhappy." He mumbled, pulling him a little closer to his chest, "I get to have you, now, too. And... I chose to follow you, and to continue to follow you. You warned me of the dangers, and I continued anyways. You are not responsible for changing my future, I am. And Elias..." He paused, then, for a long moment. What of Elias? He couldn't shake that very negative feeling about him... it had no reason, really, save the way Bern had acted around him, but it was there regardless. And maybe even that was irrelevant, entirely unrelated to Elias himself. But Bern had acted like he wasn't Bern, and Elias was the only reason he could come up with for it. At least when he acted strange with Wess, there was a very clear reason for it in the way his thoughts and emotions worked. Something Wess could only hope to sooth over time. But he'd been with Elias for a very long time, as far as Wess could tell, and clearly those things were still there.
But was this really the time to bring that up? All he knew of was that single, isolated incident. Bern could very well just have been tired, or thinking, or... something else. And Wess wasn't shutting Elias out entirely, wasn't taking away his every chance of being alright in Wess's eyes, so... well, maybe he should wait. He'd made that assumption in his own head, but he knew it would look like it was pretty ridiculous. If something was really going on, he would find out on Monday.
"Elias is... I will give him something of a chance. That is all I can promise." That was pretty damn true, he thought. He had his reasons, and it would become evident soon enough how valid they were. He wasn't going to tell Bern he liked the Commander in the meantime.
Wess was beginning to wonder what they were actually going to do after this. He'd planned about as far as the stars, but after that, he... wasn't sure. It would be sort of late by then, he figured. Probably very late, if they stayed long enough. It was... what, five-thirty now? Almost six? The stars would be out within the hour, with Winter almost upon them. So they would probably stay longer, right? He wasn't sure... He didn't know what Bern really thought of this whole picnic thing, how long he would be willing to stay. Maybe Wess would walk him back, since he was so tired, or he could set him up in Wess's room again. He'd gotten the cot taken back again, but he could ask them to put it up... depending on how late it was, they'd probably be willing. Or they could just... sleep in his bed, instead.
While that thought warmed him, he forced himself to cast it out. Bern wouldn't want that, would he? Maybe he liked being near Wess, he certainly seemed to like being held like this, but he wouldn't want to spend a whole night with so much of that intimacy he didn't seem to know how to handle. If he made it evident to Wess that he did, though...
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