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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 16, 2014 1:45:49 GMT -8
When Wess arrived back at Bern's room, he was... honestly grateful to be back near him, to be able to show him that affection again. He could sort of tell Bern was a little more hesitant, so he tried to restrain himself some, but he couldn't help a peck on the lips, couldn't keep himself from taking the other's hand in his again. God, he wanted to just... pull him close, to hug him and hold him like he'd done the night before, and to kiss him again like he had those first moments he'd learned Bern felt the same way about him. He'd spent the whole night and morning in a land of hazy dreams, ones where he got to do that again, but now there was reality mixed in and there was that shyness about Bern... he didn't know why, but maybe he was trying to set some boundaries, draw those lines?
He needed to know, now, too... he'd spent some time dwelling on those delicate questions as well, wondering if he could ask them and if he should, if the other would be okay with answering some of those questions... He wanted to figure out what Bern was thinking and feeling, and he wanted to do it without having to wait until the other gave him some small hint as to what that was. And Bern seemed... better, now. He wasn't so unlike himself anymore, and he didn't seem to need that comfort and attention as much as he had the night before. Perhaps he could ask those questions, now.
After a hurried and half-mumbled greeting he stepped further into the room, a blush rising to heat his face. There was a bit of a restrained feeling rising in him, suddenly, as if he knew he should feel awkward but also... didn't. Or rather, he didn't want to, and he forced that notion away in favor if the impossible dream-like warmth of Bern and being close to him.
"I was thinking, last night..." he started, then paused to restart. "I was wondering if we could... talk, perhaps. We spoke before of things related to the operation beneath the school, but it may be a good idea to talk of us, too." He seemed a bit hesitant, still trying to be careful even with his words... he wasn't certain about Bern, unsure if he was really trying to set boundaries, or if he was unsure of himself because he didn't know how to act, or if he was unsure of their relationship in general... and it was strange, seeing him so unsure, so suddenly not self-assured. Usually Bern was confident and knew things, knew what to do... but all of this had changed him, sort of, and while Wess enjoyed the romantic side of it hugely, it was still... strange. Different.
All of this was definitely influencing him in more ways than one, and one of those ways was most certainly his music. While Wess wasn't incompetent, not at all, he didn't play with much feeling. He was careful to hide his emotions, to acknowledge them and then tuck them far away, and his music was almost always devoid of any sort of feeling. But last night he'd lost himself in his feelings, let them bubble up to the surface because they were so strong he couldn't find the strength himself to push them back, and it had been... beautiful, surely. He hadn't realized it yet himself, not really, but it had been.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 16, 2014 10:25:52 GMT -8
He'd figure out just what kind of shyness it was that Bern was showing before too long; He was only hesitant because of his own insecurities. When the other moved close to him and pecked him gently on the lips, Bern definitely didn't show any resistance, rather he gladly allowed the other's lips on his and his hand to take his own. There were definitely some temptations when this whole romance thing, temptations that might remind him of his time with the Glass Thoughts. Wanting to hold him and kiss him and do little else, at least. It wasn't the same kind of irrational, unsurmountable desire, though... this was perfectly healthy and rational, and while they could spend some time doing this, it wasn't like they could waste their lives away with it. Though it wasn't like it was dangerous, either. It was something that they both would have to consider, though, being that they were already spending so much time daydreaming about one another. Maybe it would enhance their lives, if they allowed it to. It could also make them more difficult, though, especially if they really needed to focus on something. And while it was probably wonderful, utterly amazing, feeling that they were in love like this... It might taper off, might become less intense, and that would probably be good for them too.
There hadn't been any delicate questions on Bern's mind. Rather, as he tried to study for his tests, there was a certain warm, hazy quality to his attention that he was beginning to find a little troublesome, because he kept thinking about Wess instead. Though he figured that it would pass for the most part.... It wasn't that he wanted it to, but he hoped that he could concentrate better on everything he needed to in the future. He was still able to study, just not as well as he'd hoped. It didn't exactly make him upset either; from all he'd heard, this was just normal for love. Yes, it had taken him a while, but he'd been able to open up and accept that it was definitely love, and it was definitely okay. So while the feelings had honestly terrified him at first, back when he had been so afraid of Wess ever figuring out anything important about his life, or getting too close, he was so far past that right now. So, despite his hesitant behavior, there was really nothing holding him back besides his own embarrassment. He was aware of his lack of knowledge of certain normal parts of human life, thanks to his upbringing. He wasn't necessarily comfortable in close quarters with people. He was no good at making friends... Wess was his only friend here, really. And more than that, now. He didn't deal all too well with touch, and providing touch of his own. Wess had discovered that easily enough, hadn't he? It wasn't that he didn't like it, though. His mind was constantly at a crossroads between "accept it, love it, and show how much you love it" and "reject it, get away from it, and be afraid of returning it". Thankfully the former pretty much won out, though the latter was really taking a strong hold in the final part of that argument. Maybe he would just have to talk to Bern about his insecurities or something, if that was even what Wess though the problem was. If he even cared that the other wasn't fully open to him.
Bern seemed surprised at the way the other basically mumbled his greeting. What was he nervous about? He was the same Bern he'd been last night. Well, not entirely the same, as life changed a person... but more or less! Definitely not someone he would need to be nervous around. Bern showed a hint of confusion in his eyes. Yes, they had talked a lot about the operation, but... now, Wess wanted to talk about them? It was a rather sudden thing. Though Bern nodded, figuring there was no reason he had to argue that point. They really hadn't spoken much of themselves. There had been more important things to get out of the way at first. And now that those were out of the way, they could move on to this.
And it was important that they moved on to this. Even if these feelings did anything to hinder Bern, they really did do something wonderful for Wess. Being in love had opened new doors to technical and emotional achievement in his music. It would make him a better musician and a better Notist. And even if it didn't help Bern's studies, it was making him experience a more full life, anyway. Though surely Wess could start to understand why Bern might be uncomfortable in ways. A normal person wouldn't immediately grow uncomfortable about some of these situations, but someone in Bern's place might. Anyway, that was what all this was going to be about, wasn't it? Or maybe it was less about Bern and more about Wess. Or just the two of them together. Bern would allow the other to sit, but the way he was looking at him so insistently, as though there was a dire need to address these problems, he didn't motion for them to sit on his bed or anything. He'd let Wess decide.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 16, 2014 11:51:46 GMT -8
Wess had been sort of waiting for the other to say something in return, but... well, he could take a nod. The other was willing, that was what mattered. He glanced behind Bern at his bed for a moment, then, and hesitated briefly before sitting on the edge of it. He wanted to talk about these things, but he also wasn't entirely sure how. He knew it was a good idea, and it would make things that much clearer and that much easier, but... no one in his books ever defined their relationships, or even attempted to. Westley and Buttercup never sat to discuss the nature of their relationship after they announced their undying love for each other... he had nothing to guide him here. He didn't even know how to phrase the question, what tone to use, what this was supposed to feel like...
So it took him a while to speak, but he eventually did, taking in a breath first as if it would strengthen his faltering confidence.
"This is... difficult." He began, "There is no guide to tell either of us what to do in any of these situations, nothing that spells out what is proper and what is not." he ran a hand through his bangs, a motion he'd developed to try to calm himself after Bern had started doing the same. He shouldn't have been nervous about this, and it wasn't Bern that was doing it, but he felt... lost, without knowledge from some novel or another to guide him. "But we can try, I suppose... and I think it would be helpful, to discuss what we are comfortable with, at the very least."
Actually, he'd barely thought about that in regards to himself. Mostly it was directed at Bern, what he was okay with... because Wess wanted a whole lot, and he was okay with a whole lot more. He wasn't sure if it was his own neediness or just a desire to be near the other, to fill his needs, but he wanted to be near him so badly, to show him affection in every way possible, and he wasn't quite certain how much of that Bern was actually okay with. He probably should have been thinking more about that, though... usually Wess was so much more focused on himself, and he knew what he was thinking and feeling, he could pick those things apart and then press them back, away from that place where they demanded expression. But now he had Bern to think about, to worry about, and he was doing that so much that he wasn't actually thinking about himself anymore. Those things he had known so well before were retreating into the shadows some, ignored. All he was really certain of was that Bern was wonderful, was lovely, and that Wess loved him, he was certain that was what that feeling was, at least... and he wanted to be close to him constantly, to focus on him, because for the first time ever Bern wanted it too, wholly and completely.
He hadn't yet considered how this was going to affect his life, either. Maybe it was something like Tranquility... that feeling of being consumed by something blissful, except there was not depressing down to this, no crazy mountain of bliss to come down to. It was just a valley, a flat field, and all of it was wonderful and new and incredible. Maybe he was still high on it, the knowledge that Bern wanted what he wanted and was okay with expressing it, or at least accepting it, and maybe later he would come down some and realize what this was really doing, how it was affecting himself and his life, but right now he had so little he was worried about outside of these feelings. Just his job, and his home, as small and almost insignificant footnotes to his life. Bern was what mattered right now, really mattered, and the feelings around him.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 16, 2014 12:21:44 GMT -8
Bern was starting to feel a little more confused at what vague question the other had thrown out. Here he'd figured Wess would be more specific. But he'd also faltered in saying it. He'd faltered before saying it. Perhaps he'd believed too much in Wess's strength and confidence about this... something like how Wess seemed to have believed in Bern's utter strength and confidence and was startled when it seemed to fade into uncertainty when romance was concerned. Even now, even after breaking down and confessing and kissing him awkwardly and holding him like he didn't want to ever let him go. And yet, that was yesterday. And today he was in a much better state of mind. And other than being wholly and completely embarrassed to the point that he really would rather curl up into a ball and hide his face for eternity because he was so embarrassed of the way he'd fallen apart (which his common sense told him wasn't anything he should even feel in the first place), he didn't feel any different. Well, at least not besides the intensity of the need to express those feelings. But now, what he was hearing, that he felt unsure about. Did he do something wrong? He didn't think he was doing anything wrong right now, but if Wess was bringing this up... didn't that mean he was unsure about something?
"I... am not entirely sure what you mean," Bern responded, licking his dry lips with a hint of confusion in his features. "I would suppose that... what is proper or not... is something we should decide for ourselves. You've done nothing that I think is improper. So unless... you're concerned about... doing something in the future that may be improper..." He gave the other a look that was kind of unreadable at the time. Did he think this was okay? That it wasn't? That he was suspicious that the other had something planned for him that would make Bern trust him less? All of a sudden, he was completely unreadable again. But his expression softened a few moments later. "I don't think you could do anything that would make me upset. I think we've been through too much together for much to be "too soon"." That was an odd way to say it, but maybe he was right. Maybe they had really been through too much together, and they would be going through so much more together... that these concerns really were petty to some extent. Wess had seen Bern at his most vulnerable. Bern had seen Wess at his most vulnerable. If they didn't trust each other by now, then there were really going to be some problems.
Despite the silence that followed, Wess would almost certainly be able to feel how much Bern was thinking from the heaviness in the air, and the way his eyes had closed. It was quite a bit later that he continued to speak. "You want to know why I'm hesitating so much. But you're hesitating too." He didn't want to elaborate on how much he saw. But he saw how much the other was hesitating, god yes, he did! And perhaps he knew it even more because he was expecting more, knowing that surely more was coming from him, but the other was hesitating and withholding it! He took a deep breath, looking toward the other more fully this time. "You think I don't want what you're offering me. That's it, isn't it?" He was reluctant to talk about this. But he knew he needed to discuss it with Wess right now. That was what this was all about, at least from what he'd induced. "You're mistaken, then. Surely you remember yesterday, how difficult it was for me. I don't understand it. I dont know how to do this. It might be one of the first things in my life I've never really known anything about." Gosh, this was uncomfortable. But he had to keep going. "It begs the question... do I really know anything at all?" A wistful smirk touched his lips. "Have I not known, until now? Have I had it revealed to me... just how stupid I truly am? And even then, is it worth learning? Once you know that you know nothing... should you allow yourself to be taught by someone who knows better? Should you flounder trying to learn, and continue to reveal the insecurities you wanted to hide in the first place? Should you let yourself bleed and know that no amount of stitches may close the wound?" He'd gone completely philosophical by now... but what he was saying would surely start resonating with Wess. He wasn't responding so much because he knew he couldn't respond properly. He knew how awkward he'd been when he tried... and now he was saying that it was too uncomfortable for him to try to learn. It really had to make sense. He was the type who knew pretty much everything. But when confronted with something taking over his life that he knew nothing about, and cared nothing about until recently... it was a shock to him. It was maybe even more than that.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 16, 2014 16:03:08 GMT -8
Wess watched the other while he spoke, grateful that he wasn't turning away from this, or too embarrassed or... whatever it was, to answer. And the first few things he said were actually fairly comforting... that Bern didn't think they needed a guide, necessarily, and that he didn't think Wess had done anything wrong or could do anything wrong...
And he was probably right, too. They had both held complete power over one another at some point, and both times they'd done the right thing for the other. They had seen each other at their weakest, their most vulnerable, and they had taken care of each other in what ways they could. They were closer than any couple from any novel, even if it had only barely been a day... And their relationship was hardly one any author had defined before. Why should they follow rules someone else had set down?
And as the other continued... well, yes, he did fear that Bern didn't want all this as much as Wess did. He'd been such a mess yesterday, so unlike himself, that all of that really hadn't felt real... as much as he wanted to believe Bern was okay with it all, that he wanted it all, it was hard to believe that so much could change so completely, and so suddenly. Surely, that was reasonable... but it was comforting to hear him say that he really did, and that it was honestly just his own lack of knowledge where romance itself was concerned. Well, Wess could understand that. He was feeling the same way, if to a lesser degree...
He took Bern's hand again as the other continued, sinking into some kind of strange philosophy, and squeezed it lightly. He was beginning to understand, now, and that was sort of satisfying. That was exactly what he'd wanted to do... and now he had some idea of where Bern was at, which gave Wess some confidence. If he was really just scared because he didn't know, well... Wess could help that. Sort of. He could be the confident one, the one who knew just a little more. And it was better than not wanting this, much better... it meant that he did want all of these things, and he was just unsure of how to express that, or if he should, or... he was in a very similar place to where Wess had been, except he had less knowledge, and he was less sure.
"You know, you just said it yourself." Wess replied after another long moment, his thumb moving over the other's hand and a small smile sneaking up on his lips. "It seems we really... are not like any other. We do not need to follow any rules." He paused again, and met Bern's gaze. "Neither of us should be afraid of not knowing, really, because there is not anything we can do wrong. And... trust me, I have not done anything like this before either. I am as clueless as you." He smiled, "Or almost as clueless, at least."
He was starting to understand Bern's situation, too... while Wess had experience with affection, with warmth and love, Bern really, honestly had none. Wess's experience may have been minute, especially in comparison with most others', but it was immense when it was compared with Bern's. And now those things were taking him over, and... it must have been pretty frightening, really. And that did make some sense... he could sort of understand, now, what the other was being put through.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 16, 2014 16:29:22 GMT -8
Bern hadn't been embarrassed to answer, really. Reluctant, perhaps, but not embarrassed. Getting the right answer was just something that took some thought for him. He had to really consider it, because the concerns Wess was bringing up weren't really concerns of his. Then again he wasn't the one seeing it from Wess's point of view, either... Concerned that the one he loved didn't love him back, when that one he loved knew that he simply didn't know how to love. But he thought he'd brought up the best point he could, and that was the point that they didn't have to go off what others had said was the right way to go about things. Everyone had a different perspective, and how would they know what theirs was until they had an opportunity to understand it? When it came down to it, they just needed to try to figure this out on their own. That would take time, as they didn't know each other completely. They didn't even know themselves completely; there was no way they could. This whole relationship would be an opportunity for self discovery as much as it was discovery of the other they loved.
Bern really did want the other to know that he wanted more than he let on. He just wasn't any good at showing it. Even before he'd made the confession, he'd been so awkward in the way he showed affection. He had been afraid not to show it, but at the same time, too afraid to show it in the first place. It amounted to uncomfortable attempts at affection, attempts that perhaps Wess wouldn't have seen as genuine. But it wasn't that they weren't genuine; it was that they were confused, unpracticed. And even now they were just the same; if anything, Bern was making less attempts to show affection, having had his awkwardness completely brought to light. After kissing Wess that couple of times, he'd only submitted to whatever Wess had initiated. He just didn't feel like he could learn how to do it all correctly. The philosophy he'd been spewing, fatalistic as it sounded, was really what he believed in. And he didn't want to burden Wess with it, but the other had demanded it of him, and he had nothing that he should be hiding, not anymore. It wasn't to say that he hadn't announced it defensively, though.
Bern returned the other's gaze, still feeling as though Wess had to be bullshitting him. Insisting that he knew nothing about this... Bern couldn't believe he knew -nothing-. He believed Wess had to know more than he did. He'd been raised in a much more normal way; he'd experienced a much more normal life. Bern was missing pieces. Wess, on the other hand, had the resources to discover those answers. Bern, meanwhile, was content in allowing Wess to show him the answers, for once. Feelings were not the sort of thing he thought he could learn and understand, at least... at least, not easily. It would probably be akin to Wess trying to learn quantum physics. It was something just ...out of his reach that he might never be fully comfortable with.
Now as the two of them stood side by side, one hand joined, where Wess had taken Bern's hand and held it, brushing his thumb over the surface, Bern had been listening, but his eyes were cast to the ground. He wasn't sure there was anything left to say, and that was completely odd for him. But he had just said a lot... thoughtful words, too. Words that had certainly made some impact. They simply had to do things their own way. Wess would never know the consequences of his actions without performing them, and... it was almost like this was Bern's way of saying that he would forgive him for his mistakes, because they were both still learning this, learning how to handle this. So all those things Wess wanted to do, wanted to try... He could try them. He could try them without fear, and know that his mistakes would be just that, and he could learn from them. All the things he'd been withholding out of uncertainty... he didn't have to withhold them. And while Bern had said this seemingly confidently, he clearly needed to take his own advice as well, difficult as it was. He needed to let go of his uncertainties, too... but it would be harder for him, much harder. Wess would have to deal with his reluctance for a long time, while he got to the point that he could feel like returning the affections in the first place. He probably wouldn't do it at all until he had any form of confidence... instead, he would give slight indications to the other that he wanted him to do something.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 16, 2014 22:59:41 GMT -8
Perhaps Wess didn't know nothing about romance, but he also didn't know everything. He knew very little, and he... well, he hadn't grown up with a lot of people around him, really no more than his mother... friends had been scarce and distant, and aside from his books, he had no idea how to handle any of this. All of his knowledge came from stories. He was just... less afraid of his emotions than Bern seemed to be. He knew of them, he acknowledged them, but his expression of them was incredibly limited.
Wess waited for a while for the other to speak again, his thumb still caressing Bern's hand, and his fingers shifting to twine again with his. When, he didn't, though, Wess... wasn't quite sure what to do. It was so difficult to read Bern, even with all of this new information. He couldn't tell what he was thinking, what Wess should do next... did he expect him to say more? Did he want him to?
Finally Wess stood again, taking a small step so that he was a bit closer to the other. Was Bern just being shy and unsure again, or was he thinking too much about what Wess had said? Did he not believe him, or had it been the wrong thing to say, or...?
He was over-thinking things, probably, but it seemed like Bern was as well. So, rather than continue to press this topic, Wess leaned in a bit closer and placed a kiss on the other's lips, then kissed him again, this time as he'd done the night before, taking the other's lip between his own and pulling away, just short of something incredibly intimate. His eyes shut and he sort of leaned into it, as if melting into the contact... He didn't know what to say anymore, so this... this would have to do. He could indulge this wish for a moment, to distract Bern from his thoughts and to try to reassure him that it was really okay, that he couldn't do anything wrong, that Wess wanted him near.
He pulled away to take back his breath, and met Bern's eyes again. He was tempted to say something, and for a moment he looked like he wanted to, but he didn't. Instead, he waited for the other to say something, or to otherwise react. His face was heating up with red again, but he didn't look hesitant or careful or embarrassed as he had before, but rather warm and a bit expectant. Of course there was still just a bit of uncertainty there, a tiny dab, but for the most part Bern's words had reassured him and given him back his confidence.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 16, 2014 23:31:49 GMT -8
Wess did have it easier... maybe not by much. Bern wasn't going to ignore that fact. It was just that he figured Wess had to know something he didn't. It was just logical, given the difference in their situations. Sure, Bern had grown up with people around him.... kind of. But none of them liked him, and he didn't care for them either. That didn't matter, anyway. At least Wess had some kind of theory to what he was doing, right? And if Bern was just uncertain... Maybe he could encourage him to do something... anything, seeing as Bern definitely hadn't initiated anything since that impromptu kiss the day before, that he'd immediately apologized for. He had been so embarrassed by it, but there were just too many emotions for him to process at that time for anything to be all that effective. Right now he had a lot more stability, and he could handle this better.
But Bern didn't really have anything to say, and that was what the silence accounted for... his lack of words. He really didn't have anything to tell him. He'd answered the question, hadn't he? And Wess seemed like he was satisfied with the answer. He thought, anyway... He wasn't completely sure, but he thought so! He raised his head when the other moved closer and approached him again, though. He'd felt him thread his fingers with his own a moment ago... But then when the other stepped closer, he hadn't expected the movement, and suddenly Wess's lips were on his... He hesitated a little at first, but it was mostly from how sudden the motion had been. Once he was comfortable with it, he allowed the intimate gesture without any reluctance. Ugh, he loved it when Wess kissed him, even if the other didn't have any more experience than him. He pressed in comfortably, as the other melted into the kiss as well, and even did that thing that felt nice where he pulled his bottom lip, too...
Bern was breathless when he pulled away as well... Though even as he met Wess's eyes for a brief moment, his eyes still wandered down. He didn't really... want to do this, but he felt like he needed to. And it didn't upset him as much thinking about doing it; he didn't think he could mess it up too bad. And... no, scratch that. He desperately wanted to do this.
Gently pulling back from the other a bit, he raised one hand, gently picking up the corner of Wess's scarf, unwinding it around the back of his neck, and pulling it off to reveal his neck. He almost expected Wess to stop him, but at the same time, he knew it was pretty unlikely that he would. It wasn't like he was trying to hide something under that scarf like Bern was always trying to hide underneath his shirt... Given their height difference, Bern always had to tilt his head up to kiss Wess. But right here, he didn't have to worry about that. Once he'd pulled his scarf off, he cast it to the ground, leaning in and wrapping his left arm around Wess's lower back to hold him, his other hand gently slipping up underneath his arm and toward his shoulder. He leaned in, pressing his lips to his exposed neck, right underneath his chin at first, right at the point where the muscles in his neck met his chin. It was actually a pressure point he was familiar with, though that wasn't why he'd chosen to kiss him there. He then lay a few more kisses on his neck, slowly moving down with each one, his nose occasionally brushing against his skin awkwardly, but it probably felt good thanks to how sensitive one's skin was on their neck, even though it was done on accident by an inexperienced lover... He was taking a chance on this, to see how it worked. Wess would probably notice that Bern was holding him like a man might hold a woman, and he might wonder what that was about... Maybe he just felt like he could reach his back easier than his shoulders? Maybe it didn't mean anything... Bern hadn't seemed to think anything of the other being a woman physically but identifying as a man...
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 17, 2014 10:39:12 GMT -8
The hesitation in Bern's response to the kiss brought that small bit of uncertainty to the surface, and he almost pulled away then, but then he relaxed and allowed it and... it was lovely. Even if he wasn't returning it, it was nice to know that Bern was okay with this, and... well, that hesitation could easily just have been surprise, surely, and he wasn't hesitating anymore. He wasn't making any attempt to really return it, to kiss Wess back, but... he sort of figured that would take some time, anyways. He was willing to wait for Bern to grow more comfortable with all of this.
Wess definitely didn't do anything to stop Bern, when he took his scarf. He had nothing to hide, and while he was usually pretty sensitive to the cold, he didn't exactly need that scarf. And he was interested... what was Bern trying to do? And he was trying something, too... did it mean he was relaxing with this, or was he just trying to let Wess know that he did want these things? Either way, he wasn't going to object.
When the other pulled him in closer, Wess relaxed into his grip, and looped his arms around the other's shoulders. He tilted his chin away when Bern went for his neck, then sighed, melting further into him, as he felt those lips against the skin of his neck. It did feel good... it felt so good, and Bern was doing it himself, returning his affections, and showing that he definitely wanted this. And his lips were so soft... it didn't matter that Bern wasn't experienced, not really. He was trying, and he was doing a damn good job of it, and Wess appreciated every scrap of that. He let one of his hands move upwards over the back of Bern's neck, then rest with his fingers partly in his hair, while the other moved down towards the small of Bern's back. He was gently there, still aware of his tattoo and how sensitive that seemed to be, but there was a slight pressure in his hands that gently urged Bern closer to him.
It wasn't until a while later that Wess realized how Bern was holding him, and how it seemed like the sort of way a man would hold a woman, and he... wasn't really sure what to think of that. Surely, it wasn't intentional? Bern really hadn't seem to care that Wess wasn't physically male, and he definitely knew about it at this point. If he hadn't picked up on the binder, or Wess's actual mentions of the matter, he'd noticed the differences in Wess's physical build from a man's... Or maybe that was why he'd been okay with this, with being with another man. Maybe he thought of Wess as female. Or... maybe he was just completely inexperienced and really had no idea what he was doing, or what the implications of it were. Or he simply found it easier to hold him that way. It wasn't exactly easy to tell, and Wess wasn't certain if he even wanted to bring that up as something they needed to talk about. If it was something that continued to happen, though, perhaps. But Bern had also been fine with Wess leading, and actually seemed to prefer that, and that was a traditionally male role... and he'd been even grateful of Wess holding him around the shoulders like he'd done the night before, which was also a masculine gesture.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 17, 2014 12:51:30 GMT -8
Bern had definitely not been bothered by the other kissing him, and he'd tried to make that as obvious as possible when he had a chance to; when he realized what was happening. He would have been happy for Wess to just... kiss him all the time. It was kind of ridiculous, honestly, he knew that it was an irrational thing to want, but there was just something about love that made doing such a thing seem okay, didn't it? When Wess finally pulled back from the kiss, he'd considered it, and had eventually decided to give him something of his own. Perhaps now Wess would be happy? He didn't know if the other had been wanting him to do this, or something else? Well, he'd find out soon enough...
When he'd finished kissing down Wess's neck, he pulled back to look at him, giving the slightest smile. Doing that immediately made the other's hand move on the back of his neck, and he shivered a little; apparently his skin was kind of sensitive to touch, though Wess would probably end up messing with him a lot now that he'd accidentally let on to it... Though he didn't really move away from him; he was comfortable being held closer by the other, their bodies pretty well pressed against each other at this point. It kind of felt good, when he thought about it... He hadn't much considered it until he thought about how close they were after pulling away from his neck. He didn't think he'd done anything horribly wrong; the other hadn't exactly complained, though he was probably thinking Bern was stupid about this. It was hard for him to shake the feeling of inferiority when it came to romance...
He'd really just held him in whatever way he felt comfortable, despite what connotations it might have had. And besides, he probably wouldn't have known what to do in regards to the other's gender, anyway. He wouldn't have known what Wess would want, even if he did know about romance. Did he want to be held like a woman, or like a man? Just however Bern could? Since Wess was taller, it was probably easier for him to hold him down lower, but at the same time, a woman would be more comfortable holding a man differently. Or maybe with him being a man, he automatically tried to hold the other like he was a woman? Well, if Wess wanted him to do something else, he could move his hands. Bern wouldn't be offended if he didn't like it...
Bern glanced up toward the other now, still gripping him. "So, are you happy now? I've temporarily overcome my insecurities in order to provide you with some comfort that I don't entirely hate you or anything you're doing." He said it so sarcastically, but Wess would know he was just kidding with him, if only by the little smirk on his face. He would do more, but he'd already given himself enough trouble. Perhaps Wess would show him just what he was comfortable with, or uncomfortable with. He figured that a little interaction with him would start to reveal what they should and shouldn't do. Clearly they trusted one another a lot... if one of them went too far, the other was probably just going to have to set them back in line. Honestly, aside from kissing him, and holding him like this, Bern wasn't sure what else there was. Well, besides the obvious. He knew a little about that from a pretty clinical point of view, that is. He didn't necessarily know about the details, especially on the romantic end.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 17, 2014 19:59:31 GMT -8
Wess hadn't really been aiming to get Bern to do anything, just to get him to stop thinking so much about whatever was distracting him, and to let him know that Wess really didn't mind if they made a mistake. Evidently, that hadn't been very clear, but... well, he was pretty okay with the result anyways. While he loved being near the other, and showing him affection himself, and while he loved being able to kiss him like that and be so intimate, it was even better when Bern responded with his own actions, and took initiative himself. It meant he was relaxing, and it was a reminder that the other did care, and did want this, though Wess didn't entirely think Bern didn't want this. It was just... nice, to be reminded. And, god, did it feel good...
Wess opened his eyes when the other pulled away, and a smile curved his own lips when he felt Bern shiver. That was... sort of cute. Was he really that sensitive? He moved his hand upwards again, and his fingers curled up into the hair at the base of Bern's neck, beneath the ponytail. His hair was nice... Soft, and wavy, and Wess sort of wanted to let it out to feel more of it... he hadn't seen Bern with his hair down, either, since he'd stayed over in Wess's room for the first time. Maybe later, he'd have that opportunity...
Wess's eyebrows lifted a bit when Bern spoke, showing a hint of surprise at the other's blatant sarcasm, and then his expression shifted into a serious frown. "Oh, I doubt I will ever be happy." He replied, his tone a overly serious and just a bit sarcastic. "The scantness of my ego far outweighs your efforts." Bern would probably pick up on the fact that he was kidding from the ridiculous amount of seriousness and the touch of sarcasm in his voice, but if he hadn't, he should have been able to by the way Wess's expression had lifted into a smirk of his own.
Wess hadn't really given much thought to 'the obvious', though it would probably surface sooner or later. How could it not, really? And they could deal with it later anyways, when Bern was more comfortable with everything, and... probably Wess as well. While he didn't mind leading so much right now, when everything was just gentle touches and kisses and holding, more comfort than anything else, going into something like that would be incredibly different. That was a whole new... thing. Something he wasn't really even mildly sure about. Here, he had a scrap or two of knowledge, but... not there. And it hardly mattered now, anyways, right? He could just kiss Bern and hold him like he was doing now, that was honestly all he needed, all he wanted. He'd been waiting long enough for that as it was.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 17, 2014 21:16:35 GMT -8
What Wess probably didn't know was that the development of their relationship had actually made Bern start thinking a lot about love, romance, and all the things that it entailed. Enough that he had decided he was going to, without a doubt, do a bunch of research on this stuff. So he wouldn't necessarily have the experience, but he would at least have some kine of theory about it, and that would probably help him feel more comfortable with all this. It wasn't that he didn't feel comfortable with Wess, or that he didn't feel comfortable with -this- relationship with Wess... Moreso that he didn't know if he could handle how awkward it made him feel all the time. It would probably help, though, to know a little about what he was supposed to do at least...
He'd noticed that Wess seemed to be trying to purposely make him shiver, and while it was annoying, it kind of felt nice too; sensitivity was kind of a two way street where that was concerned. The back of his neck was just sensitive, so he never knew whether he ought to cover it up the best he could or keep it uncovered so it was less likely whatever he was wearing over it would rub it. His ponytail didn't usually tickle it, but occasionally it bothered him a little... Though something about Wess's touch just made it all the more sensitive. He gave another faint shiver when he moved his hand up, which strengthened the feeling that Wess was doing it on purpose... but he didn't say anything, and didn't try to keep the other from doing anything either. If the other liked his hair, perhaps he'd need to make that known. Bern liked Wess's hair, too... he found the curls soft and supple and he loved having his hand in Wess's hair as well, but blonde hair like Bern's was almost inevitably softer because it was thinner.
He had figured he'd have a little fun with Wess, and the result was definitely what he'd expected from him. He gave a little smirk, leaning back in toward the other, who was doing such a good job of hiding his own sarcasm, such a good job that he was practically grinning by the end of it! Needless to say, Bern was amused, and he wrinkled his nose at him. "You're insatiable, you know that?" He kissed his chin, then his lips again, trying to figure out how to do that thing with his lip that Wess had done to him twice now. He failed miserably, somehow, but at least the other got a kiss out of it.
He hadn't been thinking about the mysterious things beyond this, either. Needless to say, Bern was still trying to wrap his head around the simplicity of a new relationship. The holding and touching and kissing... kissing that they both seemed to like, and like a lot. Bern knew for sure he'd probably submit to anything Wess was willing to try, if only because he loved everything the other did. And it wasn't like he had any worries or regrets. If he was going to experience this, and whatever it led to, with anyone... he'd rather it be Wess than someone else.
He glanced over his shoulder, remembering what he'd been doing just before the other came in, then broke free of the other's grasp. That was right; he'd been making coffee. He had a coffee maker in his room, that Wess had seen him use a couple of times while he was staying in his room before. "I just made some coffee; I don't know if you care for it, but you're welcome to have some... There's plenty." Bern drank a lot of coffee. He didn't like to admit how much he drank... but coffee helped him focus on everything he was doing. And he'd drank a lot of it since the other had left last night, because he'd really needed it for focusing after what had happened. But he thought he was over it now. It had really shaken him at that moment, though. He frowned suddenly, thinking about how they needed to meet with Elias very soon.
"...How do you feel about the tests? I know they're not exactly invasive. And chances are that he'll want me to help. I think you'll do well... I can't really come up with a reason why Elias would still want to kill you." He considered that, if the other was really going to make that decision, he would have done it himself right then, even after he'd heard him out. But Bern had thought about it, and he figured that his testimony had been strong enough. Or at least, he'd convinced Elias that Wess could be useful in some way, even though he'd come by accident. And Bern sure did hope that the other wouldn't just change his mind. He didn't think he would. But the fact that it was still a possibility lingered in the back of his mind, and put a sour taste in his mouth. Both of which were reasons the coffee would be a nice distraction.
He took the brewed pot out and poured a cup. He'd pour a second one if Wess requested it. He didn't know how he took his coffee, though Bern liked his black. He figured he could find some sugar, and he had milk in the small refrigerator in the room, one of the only reasons he was able to keep supplies for cooking.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 18, 2014 8:56:48 GMT -8
Wess happily received the other's kiss, and even chased his lips after to plant one of his own. Alright, clearly they both liked that a lot... he could see that. And if that was something both of them enjoyed, it probably meant he could do it more. Definitely good news.
He smiled at Bern in the brief moment after, his expression softening again, glad that he actually had overcome those insecurities. Maybe he'd teased about it, but he had still done it, and it was nice. It might also have been proof that it could be done, that maybe it wouldn't be so hard to get him to relax a little after all. He frowned again, though, when Bern pulled away. He didn't try to hold onto the other, but there was some reluctance in his letting go. He knew they couldn't stay there forever, he just... wished they could.
Wess followed him over to the coffee, still wanting to be near him, and shook his head when Bern offered him some. "I do not drink coffee," he replied, just a hint of disgust in his tone, "But thank you, I suppose." Coffee was just a little too unhealthy for him to justify putting it in his body.
Wess honestly hadn't given much thought to the tests... he'd been too focused on Bern, on what had happened between them, and what might continue to happen... those feelings had ruled his night and his morning, and the tests had sort of seemed like it was only an excuse for him to see Bern again that afternoon. He also hadn't much thought about the possibility of him dying, and Bern mentioning it made him shiver, briefly.
"I do not particularly feel much in regards to the tests... They are simply something I will need to do, and I will do them." that was sort of a lie... he did feel something, but it was mostly curiosity. Bern's words the night before had convinced him that the tests would probably be a lot less terrible than the job itself, which he'd in turn been convinced was fairly tame. Well... in comparison to Bern's, at least, and in comparison to the original assumptions he'd made. But if the tests were bad, he figured Bern would have told him, and allowed Wess to mentally prepare himself for them. There was still a tiny sneaking fear there that one or both of them was wrong, but it was minute, and inconsequential. For the most part, Wess figured he would just fine. And despite the fact that he really didn't like the idea of dying, and Bern bringing it up again was a bit disconcerting, it was also good to know (or at least think) that the possibility of that actually happening was slim. "Do you know anything more about them? For example, how long they may take?"
Wess far favored the conversation that let him be close to Bern and even kiss him again, but he could handle this, too. At least he was near, and at least they could talk... He still loved talking with the other. While their interests ween't entirely aligned, Bern was still incredibly intelligent, even an equal to Wess. And Wess rarely met equals... not only that, but he felt there was a huge amount of trust between them, and conversation was easy and comfortable as well. He didn't feel the need to out-think the other, to snap and insult, or to show his usual bitter iciness. With Bern he was warm and comfortable, entirely at ease... the only problem was that pesky and constant will to pull Bern close and kiss him again, and probably never stop. Unfortunately, he couldn't have both.
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Post by empyreanVisionary on Feb 18, 2014 16:48:40 GMT -8
Bern hadn't expected the other to grab him again, but he was definitely okay with any kisses he could get. So the unexpected nature of it was nothing to prevent him from accepting, and even after he managed to pul away from him, he was still in a good mood about it. Though now that his coffee was done, he was more in the mood for coffee than anything else. He'd offered Wess some, but it seemed he didn't like coffee at all. He was getting that snobby tone in his voice again. Well, it wasn't like Bern was going to make him have some. He'd just figured he'd offer, since the other was there, and he had more than enough! Oh well, more for him.
"That's fine, Wess..." Bern simply replied, lifting up the cup he'd poured for himself. "I was just offering." He took a sip, definitely happy with the comfortable warmth it seemed to create all through his body. He'd always liked it black for some reason; the bitterness of the drink reminded him that it was, in fact, something intended to keep him alert and focused. And he drank it a lot. Probably too much. He pretty much didn't study without it. In fact, he was probably going to be a bit embarrassed when Wess began to find out how much of it he drank. Oh well, he was still an addictive personality. It wasn't like that was something that someone could just ignore about themselves. Some people just went from addiction to addiction even if they quit. Bern definitely noticed himself drinking more coffee after he'd quit smoking, but he figured that the coffee was inevitably better no matter what.
After sipping it for a while, listening to Wess' replies, he set the mug back down onto the table. "I'm glad you're not worrying about it. I don't think there's reason to do so; the tests wouldn't be too intrusive because they were intended to be performed on people who didn't know a thing about what we were doing. But since you do, it might not be so innocent... However, I don't think he's going to do anything outright crazy to you. So I wouldn't worry." He didn't want to think about what the alternatives could be, especially when that time was drawing so near. Surely it wasn't going to do for Elias to change his mind... and while he didn't think that would happen, he didn't know how he'd handle it, if it did.
"We should probably think about heading over there, soon. It's getting close to time." He had just made the coffee, though. Oh well, it wouldn't go cold right away, and he still had a little time to drink some. Though it would be more rushed than he liked. "We've got a few more minutes, though. It's up to you..." They probably wouldn't have much time to do a lot, but it would be up to Wess if he had something else on his mind. Meanwhile, in the time they had left, Bern raised his mug of coffee back to his lips, intent on finishing it.
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Post by ActuallyFace on Feb 18, 2014 18:07:01 GMT -8
The fact that Bern didn't seem to hesitate with this kiss brightened Wess's mood some, and he smiled as he followed the other. Maybe Bern was already growing more comfortable in general with all of this... well, alright, that probably wasn't too likely. But he seemed to be more easily accepting all or this, and more easily giving back. Maybe it was just for now... or maybe it wasn't. He couldn't tell, exactly, but he could certainly hope for the later anyways.
Wess had to wonder if the other had taken his rejection of coffee personally somehow, and he frowned a bit. He hadn't meant it that way; it wasn't like some detail so inconsequential as coffee was going to make him look down on Bern. He just didn't like it himself... the flavor, maybe, but not how bad it was for him. The flavor was rather nice, really, as was the smell. Not that there was really much he could do to convey that to Bern.
Or maybe he could... if they only had a few minutes left, Wess could probably justify indulging his urge to be near the other again. Okay, they hadn't exactly spent long apart, but that didn't matter, did it? They were about to. And he really did want to just.... kiss him again, be close to him. It was a little ridiculous, really, but then, so was love in general. And that was what it was.
Wess moved forward, closer to Bern, and wrapped his arms around the other's waist to bring him closer. There was a possibility of his spilling some of Bern's coffee, as he wasn't exactly being careful, but Wess didn't care. He rested his head against Bern's, and kissed his hair, a smile pulling his lips up again. "I think I could stand to wait a minute or two longer." He mumbled, resting his head on Bern's head and shoulder again and sort of nuzzling in, "The tests will be fine, it seems. I'd rather not waste more time worrying about them." Despite what the other had said about the tests possibly being a bit more invasive, because of Wess's knowledge, he really wasn't all that worried. If Bern didn't seem to think they would be all that bad, he trusted him in that. He didn't seem the type to sugarcoat things, especially not after mentioning Wess's almost-possible death again. He figured he would be fine. And if he wasn't, if, by some incredible stroke of bad luck, Wess ended up in danger, at least he'd have spent his last moments like this, with Bern. And at least he'd gotten a chance to experience this kind of relationship, and to help Bern experience it as well.
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